Fix Me
by seamonkologist
Summary: **ON HIATUS!** A traumatic experience at 13 leaves Bella a broken person. Can she work through her anger, her hurt? Will she trust anyone again? Dark themes. Rated M for violence and possible lemons later on. All Human.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi hi! So, this is my new little project. It's a little...dark. Okay, in parts, it's a lot dark. It deals with some things that you might not be comfortable with. And that's totally cool. You don't have to like it. It's just something that showed up in a notebook when I sat down to write one day. Even I was a little disturbed at what I ended writing lol. But, if you want to, give it a chance. I'll probably not be getting too awfully graphic. Well, at least not in the flashbacks. You'll see. **

**Anyway, this is going to be dealing with things like kidnapping, rape, physical violence, and I don't know what all else yet. Oh, and yeah, it's all against a minor. That part will be told through flashbacks. The story is hopefully going to take place more in the present than the past, but the past is important to who people are in the present. Does that make sense?**

**Should I just shut up now? Let you get to reading? Yeah, that's probably a good idea.**

**Oh, one more thing. I don't own the characters. **

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**BPOV

"When I was thirteen years old, I was kidnapped.

"I had been at the mall with a couple friends - Angela and Jessica. We didn't have a lot of money, but we liked to go around, trying on fun clothes. My dad would drop us off and go to a sports bar to watch whatever game was on, then come get us a few hours later.

"Even now, eight years later, I remember it all too well. I remember Angela and Jess wanting to go into the lingerie store. I was too embarrassed, so I went to the food court to get us some drinks, and they were to meet me there."

_Flashback_

_I grabbed my change from the surly guy at the register and shoved it in my pocket. Carefully grabbing the three lemonades, I turned and scanned the crowded food court. Why is it so packed today? Finally, I spot an empty table over towards the back corner and I quickly, but carefully, make my way to it. I manage to slide into one of the chairs and set the cups down on the table, without spilling a drop. I can't help the smile the spreads across my face. I know, not such a big deal to most, but for me, it's practically a miracle._

_Sitting there, sipping my lemonade, I scan the crowd for Ange and Jess. What's taking them so long?_

_Tap, tap, tap._

_I glance up behind me, expecting one of my friends to be tapping on my shoulder, but am greeted instead by a fiery-haired woman. An extremely beautiful, immaculately dressed fiery-haired woman to be specific. _

_"Hi, sorry to bother you," she says in a soft, feminine voice, "but I'm waiting for a friend of mine and it seems as though all the other tables are pretty full. Would you mind if I sat with you for a minute?"_

_Brilliantly, all I could manage was a dumb "Uhh..." and a nod. She smiled anyway and sat down next to me, scanning the crowd for her friend._

_"I'm Victoria, by the way," she says, offering me her hand. _

_I shake it awkwardly, feeling so dull next to her. "I'm Bella. Wow, you have really pretty hair." I wince a little, embarrassed._

_She merely laughs it off, thanking me. "Are you here with someone, or are you just extremely thirsty?" she asks, good naturedly, gesturing to the three drinks in front of me._

_I blush a little as I laugh. "No, not thirsty. Well, I am. But only one is mine. I'm waiting on a couple of my friends to get done shopping."_

_Then I heard a deep, low voice, calling to her. "Victoria, doll. There you are."_

_I look up to see a devilishly handsome man grinning at her, then at me. He sticks his hand out to me._

_"Bella, this is my friend I was waiting for. James. James, this is Bella. She was nice enough to let me bug her for a few minutes." _

_Instead of just shaking my hand, he brings it to his face and kisses the back softly. Now, normally, I'd have blushed and been embarrassed, but something about him was . . . off. He smiled at me, but it didn't seem friendly._

_I politely greet him, then announce that I need to go find my friends. I stand up to leave, and James puts his hand on my shoulder._

_Still smiling, he leans in and whispers in my ear, "I think you need to come with me." I start to shake my head and he squeezes me. Hard. "If you scream, I will kill you. Then I'll find your little friends, and I'll kill them, too. You will come with me. Nod if you understand."_

_I slowly nod my head, swallowing hard. "Please don't-" I start to beg him not to hurt me, but he cuts me off by squeezing my shoulder harder. I grimace as tears fill my eyes._

_"No talking. Just follow Victoria here. Do not think about running. And stop with the tears. I don't want you drawing attention to yourself." With that, he pushes me roughly toward the now standing Victoria. I stumble a little, but manage to catch myself before falling._

_She places a hand on my arm and says gently, "Come along, dear." If I wasn't so terrified, I'd laugh. She sounded so motherly._

_I AM terrified, though, so I just quickly wipe my eyes and numbly allow her to lead me. I can feel James behind me, waiting for my to try and run. I'm not stupid, though. I could hear how real his threat had been._

_No one speaks as they lead me to the parking garage. My heart is pounding and I'm struggling to not start crying. I don't want to make James mad. _

_This isn't good. This is so not good. I've only got a little money. If they're going to rob me, they'll be mad that it's not that much. And if they're not going to rob me, well . . . I don't even want to think about what they're going to do then._

_Victoria stops beside a black SUV and unlocks the doors. Climbing in the driver's seat, she leaves me standing there with James. Does he want me to get in? _

_As if hearing my thoughts, James opens the back passenger door and gestures for me to get in._

_End Flashback_

"Why don't we stop there for now?"

I nod, clearing my throat of the lump that has been forming. "There's still a lot to tell about it."

He nods. "I understand, but I don't want to push you to talk about it too much at a time. I don't want to force all of those memories to the surface just yet."

I laugh, bitterly. "As if they aren't already there." I grimace. "Sorry."

"It's okay. I know you're angry about what happened. That's why you're here. I'm going to do what I can to help you get over your anger, the pain you're holding on to. I'm here to help you in any way that I can."

I nod again. "Thank you. This . . . this is what I need. I don't want to be so angry anymore. It's too hard, too draining."

"Well then, Bella. That's the first step. Wanting to let it go." He scribbles a note in his notebook, and then smiles back at me. "We're out of time for today. I'll see you again on Friday?"

I nod, standing up and stepping over to his desk. "Absolutely. Thank you Dr. Whitlock."

"Until then, take care, Bella."

I offer him a tight smile before leaving his office, heading home to my tiny apartment to lock myself away from the world for another night.

*****

JPOV

Well, Isabella Swan was finally opening up about what brought her to me in the first place. I've been seeing her twice a week for over two months now. In all those sessions, we'd discussed everything else in her life that seemed to bother her - her job, her parents, her noisy neighbors, her depression, her insomnia. It took her half of our session today to finally start talking about this. We're finally making a breakthrough.

To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I mean, to be kidnapped, regardless, has to be traumatizing, but at thirteen? Her life was probably already just getting complicated by her hormones, her changing body, and then that happened. Poor thing. I hope I can help her.

I have to admit, I've never dealt with anything quite like this before. I'm going to have to tread lightly here, test the waters, so to speak. I don't want to push her too far, but I need to get everything out there. And to be quite honest, I'm terribly intrigued.

*****

BPOV

_Who the hell is knocking on my door? I swear to God, is it so much to ask to just be left the fuck alone?_

I reluctantly climb off my sofa, dropping my book onto the coffee table, and make my way to the door. I peek through the peephole.

Edward.

I sigh and begin unlocking my door. Chain lock. Dead bolt. Slide lock. Knob lock. I open the door slowly, eyeing him.

"What, Edward?"

He smiles at me. Ever so polite. It almost makes me feel bad for being such a bitch all the time. He holds up a brown paper bag.

"I brought you some dinner. You haven't eaten yet, have you?" he asks, hopeful.

I force a small smile and sigh, stepping aside and gesturing him in. He quickly scurries into my apartment.

I watch him go about my kitchen, pulling plates down, grabbing silverware from the drawer, grabbing two beers from the fridge. This has turned into somewhat of a tradition between us now. Ever since I moved into this place, he's always been there. Helping me out when I need it, trying his best to be a good friend to me. I admit, it made me suspicious at first. I assumed he was trying to get into my pants, or trying to use me in some other way.

But no, not Edward Cullen. 100% gentleman, he is. He's always made a point to never cross any boundaries with me, only taking what I offer him, and offering so much in return.

Don't get me wrong. I liked the guy. He was nice, he was cute, he seemed to genuinely care about me. But I didn't get it. I didn't understand _why._

So I kept him at a distance, trying to figure him out. I remained cool and aloof with him. I never went to his apartment across the hall to see him. I never invited him over. I definitely didn't ever ask him to go do anything with me.

But every Tuesday and Friday, he showed up with dinner for us. Greasy burgers, spicy Chinese, a giant pizza. And he always asked if I'd eaten already. He always gave me the out, just in case I didn't want him there.

Truth is, I don't mind him being around. I honestly can't stand most people, but there's something about him. Maybe it's because he just seems so damn harmless. And he's never asking me what I'm thinking, how I'm feeling. I get enough of that from everyone else I know.

So, yeah. We had out twice-a-week dinner date here in my apartment. He brought the food, I provided the beer. We talked about nothing, we watched stupid TV and movies, we listened to music. It was really the only time of the week I felt somewhat at peace.

Smiling down at me, he drops to the floor beside the coffee table. Setting the plates down, he starts pulling boxes out of the bag.

"So what's on the menu tonight?" I ask him, opening the beers.

"I picked up some of that Mongolian BBQ that you like." He opens the boxes and I smile, despite myself.

"You're too good to me, Cullen," I say, shoveling some onto my plate.

He laughs lightly, offering me a little of everything else. "Eh, you've got me hooked on it, too. I can't believe I went so many years having never had it. I feel like I missed out."

"You _did_ miss out." I quickly fill my mouth with the delicious food, savoring the flavors coating my tongue, chewing slowly. Swallowing, I glance over at him, to see him staring at me. "What?"

"I can't believe you can fit that much food in your mouth at one time," he says, laughing.

I laugh a little, too. "You know I've got a big mouth. Anyway, what tonight? Movie? TV?"

"Hmm," he says, popping some food in his mouth and chewing slowly. After he swallows, he says, "Let's see what's on TV. If it sucks, we can pick out a movie."

"Sounds good."

I flip on the TV and start to surf through the channels. We eat quietly, only speaking to say "next."

As I'm flipping, I come across a movie, just in time to see a young girl getting shoved into a car by an older guy. She's screaming and he's covering her body with his. My breath catches in my throat and I can feel an anxiety attack coming on. I quickly turn off the TV and stand up.

"I . . . you should go," I say, breathing heavily. I start closing the food boxes for him to take with him.

He stands up. "Wait. What's wrong? Did I do something wrong?"

I shake my head furiously, still scrambling to get everything packed. I shove the boxes at him, pushing him towards the door. "Please. I just need you to go." I open the door and quickly push him out into the hallway, slamming the door behind him. I press my back against the door, trembling. Clenching my eyes shut, I sink to the floor, mumbling, "Sorry, Edward," to the now empty room.

I concentrate on taking deep breaths, relaxing my muscles, thinking about anything other than my time with James. With my knees drawn up to my chest, I pull in deep, haggard breaths until I start to calm down a little.

I knew this would happen as soon as I started to talk about this with Dr. Whitlock. That's why I've been putting it off for so long. For two years after I got away from him, the mere thought of James sent me into a panic. I was at my wit's end, and no one knew what to do to help me. I wouldn't see a psychiatrist.

But I'd learned to deal with it on my own. I learned how to bring myself back down to a manageable level. And it had been a few years since I'd had an attack. But seeing that, seeing that girl getting abducted, it just set me off.

I let out a frustrated shriek and throw my head back against the door. The pain quickly seeps over my scalp, but it does the trick. It brings me to the here and now. I'm fine now. James can never hurt me again. I made it through. I'm strong. I can take care of myself.

I sigh, feeling the tension in my chest dissipate. I'm good. I'm okay now.

There's a light tapping on the door.

"Bella, are you okay? I heard . . . well, I heard you scream and then a thud." Edward sounds scared. "Are you okay? Please answer me Bella. Do I need to call the hospital?"

I take another quick deep breath and pull myself from the floor. I open the door and Edward is standing there, holding the take out boxes, a worried, panicked expression on his face.

"Bella. Are you okay?"

I sigh and nod a little. "I'm sorry, Edward. I'm okay. Um . . . do you want to come back in and finish dinner?" I ask shakily. Surely he'll say no.

He smiles warily but nods, stepping back into my apartment. Sitting down at his spot on the floor again, he says, "So, why don't we listen to some music?"

He's not going to ask what happened, why I freaked. He was going to let it go, move on. And this is why I let Edward Cullen into my life.

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**So, there you have it. Is it worth continuing? I've got a lot more of the flashbacky part written. I'm just having to fill in the present parts. Review it and let me know what you think. If no one likes it, I might can it.**


	2. Chapter 2

**So, real life has inevitably reared it's ugly head and has been distracting me with house-hold repairs and inexplicable amounts of school work. I promise to keep on working on this, though. The updates will be coming, I promise. In the meantime, here's a wee little quickie. **

**As always, I don't own any of it. **

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**BPOV

My sweat-soaked hair clings to my face as I run, my legs almost ready to give out. My thighs are burning with exertion, but I can't stop. Not yet. Drawing in ragged breaths, I push myself harder. Almost there. Almost.

Finally, the tredmill beeps, my timer going off. The machine slows to a walking pace and I walk for five more minutes, letting myself catch my breath. One more beep and the machine stops. I step off with unstable legs and grab my towel and water bottle. Wiping my face and neck off, I shakily make my way to the locker room, draining my bottle along the way.

It's almost five o'clock. I've been here an hour. I was thrilled a couple years ago to find a 24 hour gym not too far from my apartment. Who knew four in the morning was the best time to work out and be basically alone? Since then, I've come 5 mornings a week, every week. I've never been in better shape and it keeps me from laying around my apartment, unsuccessfully trying to get a full night's sleep. I mean, I might as well do something useful with those hours, right?

I sigh with relief as I walk into the cool locker room, quickly grabbing my things from my locker. I shove my towel and water bottle in my bag, slinging it on my shoulder. A quick, cool-down walk home and then I'd grab a nice long shower before heading into work. Ah, the wonder of a routine.

Making my way out of the locker room, I head for the front of the gym. The sun has yet to come up. Thank God for all the street lights that come with living in the city. I'm almost out the door when a familiar voice stops me.

"Hey, Bella! Have a good work out?"

I inwardly roll my eyes. Putting on a forced smile, I turn slightly. "Yeah, great like every other morning, Mike."

He comes up and leans against the window beside the door, grinning. "I still think it's great you're so dedicated. I don't think anyone else in the city works out as dilgently as you do."

I shrug, letting the door close again. So much for a long shower. How do I always manage to get sucked into conversations with him? "It's just something to do, I guess. I mean, it's better than sitting around doing nothing."

He nods, his eyes not-so-subtly trailing over my body. "And it keeps you in great shape."

I shudder. I can't help but say, somewhat icily, "Stop ogling me, Mike. I'm not a piece of meat."

His eyes widen slightly and he looks ashamed. "I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to, really." He looks away from me quickly. "I really am sorry. It's just, you know, you always look so good after a workout is all."

What is it about guys always thinking that? Ugh. "Well, either way, don't stare at me like that. I don't like it. Now, I need to be going. Have a good day." With that, I slam out of the gym and walk quickly back toward my apartment, fuming slightly.

Men. Ugh. Thinking they can just stare at women like that? Like they have any right. If they had it their way, we'd just be paraded around naked until one of them decided to take us to bed and writhe against us until they got off. Pigs.

I stop in front of my apartment building, digging out my keys to let myself in. Deciding on the stairs instead of the elevator- one last little bit of exercise this morning- I quickly jog up them to the 6th floor, throwing the door open and slamming face first into someone's chest. I stumble backward and catch myself on the arms reaching out to grab me.

"Bella! Christ! I'm so sorry." I look up at Edward, his face red in shock and I guess embarrassment from running into me.

I shake my head. "No, I'm sorry. God, I wasn't paying any attention at all. Sorry, Edward." I step out of his grasp and step into the hall as he steps back to stand beside me. "Why are you taking the stairs? Elevator out again?"

He nods. "Yeah. I was just heading out to work. Are you coming back from the gym?"

I give a short laugh and gesture to the sweatpants, disgustingly large tshirt and sweat-plastered hair. "You think? You know I go every morning."

He gives me a small smile. "Yeah. Um, hey. I don't want to bug you too much, but do you mind if I come over for dinner again tonight?"

Breaking routine. I'm not sure I like that. But he is asking. And he's the only friend I have at this point. Do I really want to lose that? No. Damnit. "Uh, yeah. That's fine, I guess. I won't be in until 8 or so."

His smile grows a little. "That's fine. Great. I was thinking Sam's tonight?" Sam's is our favorite greasy burger joint.

Now I really smile. "Get me a big chili cheese fries and onion rings, too, then."

He laughs and shakes his head. "It's probably my fault you go to the gym every morning. I feed you too much." He glances at his watch. "Well, I've got to get going to work. I'll see you tonight. Have a good day!" He gently squeezes my forearm, the extent of our physical contact usually, and heads past me with a smile.

I make my way into my apartment, dropping my bag by the door and heading directly into the bathroom for a shower before heading to work to start my shift and a half. It's going to be a long day.

*****

EPOV

I can't believe I almost knocked Bella down the stairs! Christ, I'm such an idiot. She should have been furious at me. But no, not Bella. It seems like she's never mad at me for anything. Thank goodness. I try so hard not to do anything wrong around her. I just want her to be comfortable.

Which is why I was so shocked last night. I've seen her kind of start to . . . lose control before, but never like that. I was really afraid for her. She looked so scared, and I couldn't even comfort her. She kicked me out and then, when I heard her scream and then heard that thud, I thought something bad had happened. I was already dialing the hospital on my cell phone when I heard her unlocking the door. She looked embarrassed and invited me back in. I knew she didn't want to make a big deal out of it. She never does when she loses control, so I tried to just continue the evening as normally as possible.

She's just so . . . exquisite. I'd give anything to be able to hold her in my arms, kiss her, tell her I love her. But it's obvious she doesn't want that. Every time I touch her, she flinches. I don't think she even realizes it, but she does. Her forearm seems to be the only place I can touch her without making her uncomfortable. So I do it as often as I dare. I almost wish I was strong enough to resist touching her at all, but whenever I'm around her, my body buzzes with electricity. My fingers almost twitch with the desire to feel her soft skin against mine.

It seems like she's all I ever think about anymore. And those moments she lets me spend with her have become the only thing I look forward to in life.

I can't help but smile as I walk toward work. My roommate's friend staying with us for a few days may give me the perfect chance to spend a little more time with Bella, so that I can let them "get caught up." At least, that's going to be the excuse I give her when I ask if I can bring her dinner again tomorrow, too.

And with that, I enter work, ready to spend yet another day with nothing but beautiful Bella in my head.

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**So I know it wasn't much, but I love you long time if you feed me some pretty reviews :)**

**Therapy resumes nexy session, with another flashback. Probably more Edward and Bella interaction.  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, so I know I said there'd be some therapy. But no. I lied. Not in this chapter. But there is some quality interactions going on, in my opinion. **

**As always, I don't own it.  
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BPOV

God, work can be so monotonous. A regular shift is bad enough, but typing up reports and filing them for twelve hours? Mind-numbingly tedious.

At least my boss, Esme, is nice enough to let me do this twice a week. The extra half shift every couple days allows me to cut out early on the days I have therapy. She's been really understanding about the whole thing. Plus, she's never pushed me to find out why I need the sessions twice a week.

It's funny. I've known her for a little over three years, since she gave me this job right out of high school, and even though its only been that short time, I feel closer to her than I ever did my own mother. Esme is like a mom to me in so many ways- always seeming to have my best interest in mind. She doesn't push me to talk about anything but lets it be known that she's here if I need her.

I couldn't ask for a better boss.

"Bella?"

I glance up from my typing, seeing the ever-jubilant Emmett towering over the side of my cubicle.

"Yes, Emmett?" I ask.

"It's time to cut out of here. Save your work and pack it up. You need to get out of here." He nods towards the elevators.

I quickly save my report and shut down my computer. I roll my head, trying to stretch my neck out. I'm always stiff after these long shifts. Emmett notices, and once again starts in. "You know, you really should see that chiropractor I was telling you about. I always thought they were quacks until I went to one myself. I go twice a month now."

I stand up, grabbing my bag and turning off the computer monitor. "No thanks, Em. I don't like the idea of some stranger snapping and popping things inside me." Not to mention the thought of a stranger touching me at all tends to make my skin crawl.

"Well, just give it some thought. Come on, I'll walk you out."

Walking beside Emmett somehow always makes me think of a chihuahua walking alongside a mastiff. It just doesn't look quite right. Despite his hulking physique, though, he's about as soft-hearted as they come.

As we enter the elevator, he presses the button for the ground floor. Turning to me with a huge grin on his face, he opens his mouth, and before he can say anything, I cut him off.

"I'm not going out tonight, Em."

He pouts. "Come on, Bella. You've gotta eat, right? It's just a few friends that I'm meeting up with. They'd like to meet you. I promise it's not a set up. It's my girl, and a friend of mine and his girl."

"So you want me to be the fifth wheel? No thanks."

He rolls his eyes. "You never want to go out with me. I'm just trying to feed you. Geez."

I sigh as the doors slide open at the bottom floor. "And I tell you every time you ask that I am quite capable of feeding myself."

"But you don't have to." He holds the front door of the building open for me and I step out into the already dark evening. "It might do you some good to get out with some people, you know. I mean, it's time you stopped hiding from the world."

I groan a little. Emmett had somehow gotten a very brief glimpse into what had happened to me. He was just so freaking easy to talk to that it came spilling out of me one day while we were talking at lunch at work. He didn't get any of the details, but knows the jist of it. And now he's basically the older brother I never had, and never necessarily wanted. He watches out for me as much as I'll allow, and is always trying to get me to "get back into life" as he puts it. I can see that it worries him that I'm so secluded in life, but a little pout isn't going to change me overnight.

"Emmett, we've been over this. I'm just not comfortable in group situations, okay? And I know you're just looking out for me. I appreciate it. I really do. But I'm happier this way." He gives me a dubious look. I sigh. "And, well, I've got plans for dinner with someone anyway," I say. I've not really told him about my habit of eating with Edward a couple times a week. He knew nothing about him at all.

But at this, he brightens a little. "Really? Who? Someone I know?" We head in the direction of my apartment building. His is a few blocks past mine.

"You don't know him."

"A HIM?!" he squeals. How unmanly. I point this out to him and he scoffs. "Bella, I am all man. I can screech like a girl and still, no one doubts how much a man I am."

I laugh. "Sure, Em."

He glowers for a second, then grins at me. "So, a him, then? Who? Where'd you meet him? Is he good enough for you? Can I meet him? Where's he taking you? Don't wear anything too sexy. Don't let him get the wrong idea. What does he do for a living? What kind of car does he drive?"

I shake my head, pressing my hands over my ears. "Jesus, slow down, _dad._" He scoffs again and I sigh. I guess I have to tell him to keep him from getting too over protective. "Okay, well, his name is Edward. He's my neighbor. We're having take out at my place. We've been having dinner a couple times a week for a couple years now. And before you ask, no, we're not dating. He's just a friend."

He stops walking and stares at me. I stop and look up at him, an eyebrow raised. "Bella, you've had a secret friend for a couple years now? Am I not good enough to be introduced?"

I roll my eyes at him. "You know that's ridiculous. It's just not a big deal. We have dinner and watch TV, then he leaves. It's not like we're staying up painting each others' nails, swapping secrets and giggling over shared cookie dough."

He stomps his foot like a petulant three year old. "I want to meet him."

"Why?"

"I just do. I want to make sure he's good enough for you. And what if I want a new friend? You're supposed to share!"

"Seriously, Em? Did you just stomp your foot at me and demand that I share my friend? How old are you?"

He starts walking again and I follow him. He doesn't look mad. Instead he looks . . . uh-oh . . . determined. I sigh. I guess he's meeting Edward tonight.

We get to my building a minute later and he stands beside me as I open the door, resigned. He waits for me to step in and follows me.

"Uh, I think the elevator is broken again. We'll have to take the stairs probably," I say. "Up to the sixth floor." Maybe he won't be up for the climb.

"Great!" He opens the door to the stairwell and ushers me forward. I groan again and climb the stairs, Emmett directly behind me the whole time. We make it up there in silence and he follows me to my door. Without bothering to attempt to get him to leave, I just unlock my door and let us in. He immediately starts to rummage through my fridge.

"Hey! I thought you were going out to dinner with some friends. Quit eating my food!" I say, tossing my bag on the floor by the door. Stepping out of my shoes, I step into the kitchen to shoo him away from my food. He's already got a Tupperware open and is picking out pieces of pasta and popping them into his mouth.

"I am going to dinner," he says through a mouthful. "But I'm hungry now and I have another hour before I meet them. Plus, I might need my strength to beat up this Edward character."

Almost as if on cue, there's a knock at the door. Emmett reluctantly puts the Tupperware back in the fridge and then excitedly hops over to the couch. Plopping down in the middle, stretching out so his arms cover the entire back of the couch, he gestures for me to answer to door. I roll my eyes again and open the door. Edward and a brown paper bag with grease spots on it greet me.

"Hey Edward. Come on in," I say, stepping back. He steps inside, and the grin that was present when I opened the door quickly fades at the sight of Emmett.

"Is, uh, this a bad time?" he asks me.

I take the bag from him. "No, it's fine, come on." I put the bag on the coffee table, our dinner table. "This is Emmett. Emmett, this is Edward. And now, you can go meet your friends." I smile, too sweetly, at Emmett.

"I'm in no rush," he says to me, grinning ear to ear. "So, Edward. Let's talk."

I groan and rub my hands over my face. "I'm going to change. Emmett, please be nice. And quick. I don't want my chili cheese fries to get cold." I step towards my bedroom, then pause. "I don't you dare think about touching the food. There will be hell to pay if you eat a single fry. Got it?"

"Fine. Go. Let us talk."

I give Edward a very small apologetic smile and step into my room to change into some sweats.

*****

EPOV

Oh God. Oh God. This giant mass of man wants to kill me. I can see it. Is he Bella's boyfriend? I swear, she's never once mentioned a boyfriend.

Maybe if I throw a burger in the opposite direction, it'll distract him and I can outrun him. He's big. He can't be that fast.

No, man up, Edward. You've done nothing wrong. You've never even kissed Bella. On her big, pouty lips. Or run your hands through that long soft looking hair. Or run your hands up her firm looking thighs . . . .

No! Not a good line of thought!

Right, giant, menacing man in front of me.

"So . . . " I say, unsure.

"You've been bringing Bella dinner for a couple years now?" he asks.

I shift from one foot to the other. "Yes?" I say, but it comes out more like a question.

"And you two just eat and watch TV and you leave?"

"Yeah."

"You've never tried to put the moves on her?"

My eyes widen. I can feel it and as much as I don't want to, I pale a little. He thinks I've been trying to get physical with Bella. He's going to kill me. "No! No. I've never . . . she's a friend. We have a lot in common. I would never . . . I mean, she doesn't want . . . I couldn't . . . " I stammer, and trail off.

He eyes me for a minute. Probably trying to figure out the quickest way to kill me. Or at least inflict some major bodily harm.

But he surprises me.

"I like you, Edward. Whatever you're doing with Bella, keep it up. She doesn't let a lot of people in, so you must be doing something right." He stands up then and slaps a giant hand on my shoulder, nearly knocking me over. "But make no mistake. You hurt her, you die. Got it?"

I nod, my eyes still wide. He smiles.

"Great. I'm going to get going. Tell Bella I said goodnight."

And with that, he disappears out the door.

I'm still standing there, confused - who was that guy? - and scared, when Bella comes out of her room in some baggy sweatpants and a giant hoodie. She sees me standing there, wide eyed and curses under her breath.

"Was he a jackass?"

"I . . . don't think so?"

She raises an eyebrow at me and I shrug a little, putting on a smile for her.

"Well, let's eat before it gets cold. I brought a movie, too. Hope you don't mind." I head into the kitchen to gather plates and napkins and beer, passing her to movie to set up, which she does with no complaint.

And the night is back to normal.

*****

BPOV

When I came out of my room and saw Edward standing there like that, I was afraid Emmett had said something to scare Edward off. I mean, it's not that I was in love with the guy, but he's pretty much the only company I keep outside of work.

But he smiled and grabbed plates while I put on the movie and everything was back to normal. Except that tonight was Wednesday. And he was breaking routine by being here tonight instead of waiting until Friday. As normal as everything felt, it was not, and I couldn't ignore that fact.

When the movie ends and we're both stuffed full of fatty food and lounging, I can't help but ask. "Why are you here?" I grimace at the way that sounds. "I mean, it's Wednesday. You never come over on Wednesdays."

He watches the credits for a minute. Then looks over, a worried look in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have bothered you tonight. It's just, my roommate has an old friend in town for a few days and they're getting . . . reacquainted. And I kind of wanted to give them their space to do so."

I nod, understanding immediately. Edward's roommate, Josh. I'd met him a number of times, and he was a nice enough guy. If he wasn't such a socially active guy, he'd be more than welcome to veg out with us here a couple nights a week. But he's always going somewhere, doing someone, being in the center of attention. I can only imagine the kind of 'reacquainting' they were doing over there. I can't blame Edward for not wanting to sit around and listen to that.

"Ah. Well, I get that. I wouldn't want to hear that, either." We share a little laugh.

He fidgets a little for a minute and I flip off the TV. "So," he ask, "who was that guy? Emmett."

I sigh. "He's a friend from work. He's kind of got this idea that's he's basically my older brother. He's way too over protective of me. I hope he wasn't too much of a jackass."

He sighs, too. A relieved sigh? "No, he wasn't at all." He smiles at me. "He seemed to care about you a lot. That's good."

I nod. "Yeah. It's nice to have someone to care about me. He could be a little less intimidating about it, though. I was halfway worried that I'd find you either beaten to a pulp of hightailing it out of here."

He laughs. "And miss these dinners with you? Absolutely not. Who else am I going to share a love of all things unhealthy with?"

I roll my eyes. "You'd find someone." I stand up and stretch my arms over my head. "Well, I'm going to get this cleaned up. Don't mean to kick you out but I worked a twelve today and I'm pretty tired. Think it's safe for you to go back to your apartment?"

He helps me gather the trash up into the bag and stands up, too. "I think I can manage. Thanks for letting me bug you tonight."

"You know it's no problem. But if you're coming over again tomorrow, you're bringing me some sushi. I'm craving a tuna roll."

Laughing, he shakes his head. "Only you could already be thinking about food after all we just ate. But I could do sushi tomorrow. Are you sure you don't mind me coming over?"

"As long as you keep feeding me, you can keep coming."

"Great. I'll bring sake."

"Perfect." I follow him to the door, and open it, watching him walk across the hall. He opens his door and leans in to listen. It's quiet.

"Thank God, I think they're asleep." He turns and waves at me. "Goodnight Bella."

"Goodnight Edward."

I lock the door and stuff the bag into the trash beneath the sink. I turn off lights and make my way to the bedroom, falling down, exhausted. I barely manage to set the alarm before I'm fast asleep.

~*~*~

_I sit up in bed and instead of my bedroom, I'm in a warehouse. There are no windows, and only a single door at the far end of the building._

_"Hello?" I call out, my voice tiny, strained, scared._

_I look around me, then down at myself. I'm wearing a torn tank top and panties, nothing else. I try to cover my body with my hands, and gasp. They're covered in blood._

_"Please! Someone help me!" I cry out, staring in horror at my bloody hands. Is it my blood? Someone else's? I don't feel any pain._

_The door at the far end opens and someone steps in. I can't see them. They're holding a full length mirror in front of themselves, walking briskly towards me. Stepping up beside the bed, they hold the mirror steady. _

_"Please help me," I beg them, but they don't move, don't answer. I carefully crawl off the bed, stopping in front of the mirror to look at myself._

_I gasp. I'm thirteen again. My body is smaller, younger, my curves hardly beginning to develop. My face is a little rounder. More innocent._

_As I stare at my reflection, my young body barely covered by the tattered shirt and small panties, thin lines of red start to appear all over me. _

_My chest, my arms. My stomach, my thighs, my shins. I turn and my back, buttocks, and the backs of my legs are also showing these thin red lines._

_Red lines that are slowly thickening. Growing._

_Seeping._

_I'm bleeding. All over my entire body. The red wells up in the lines and slowly starts to trail down my body, painting me in hurt. In pain. _

_Pain._

_I can feel it now. Pain all over my entire body. Pain making me tremble. Pain blinding me with white hot intensity._

_Then I hear it. From behind the mirror. A deep, sadistic chuckle._

~*~*~

I bolt upright in bed, gasping, my hands quickly searching my body for any sign of blood, and sign of new injuries. Finding none, I let out a relieved breath and fall back into my pillows. I look over at the clock as my breathing evens out.

3:00 AM.

Might as well head into the gym early today.

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**Okay, so possibly maybe for real, therapy next chapter. NO PROMISES.**

**Do me a favor and drop me a review. They make me oh-so happy :)  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**Righto. So...here you go. Chapter 4. More therapy. For real, this time.**

**Also, I've never been in therapy, so probably everything I have Jasper telling Bella and everything I have him ask her to do is something a real therapist would never ask her. But I wouldn't know. So bear with me. Because, after all, it is just fiction.  
**

**Don't own.  
**

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BPOV

My extra-long workout this morning seemed to do the trick to clear my head of that nightmare. I can't deny that it scared the hell out of me. I was eager to tell Dr. Whitlock about it. It weighed heavily on my mind the whole way to the gym and throughout my warm-up, but once I started running, it was almost like I'd left it behind me. Thank God.

By the time I was ready to go home and shower, my body felt like Jello. I could hardly make myself walk back, but I felt mentally cleansed. And I couldn't help the smile that came when I realized this.

So now, sitting at home reading after work, waiting for Edward and my sushi to show up, I was pleasantly tired and somewhat at peace. I'd managed to go all day without once thinking about my dream, James, or really anything else. Even Emmett teasing me lightly about my 'date' with Edward didn't bother me. All in all, it was a fantastic day.

_Knock, knock, knock._

I climb off the couch and peek out the peephole, seeing Edward standing there and begin to unlock the door. Finally getting it open, I pull the door out of the way and smile at Edward, and the small tray of sushi he's holding, nodding at him to come in.

"Did you expect to feed a small army with sushi tonight?" I ask, laughing lightly and taking the tray from him.

He chuckles and heads into the kitchen to cups for the bottle of sake he's holding. "Just wanted to make sure we had everything we wanted. I know it won't really keep over night, but if there's anything left, I can take it to Josh and his friend." He walks back out with two glasses. "Although, with your appetite, I doubt there'll be anything leftover."

I throw a throw pillow at his head and it bounces off, since both hands are full. I can't help but giggle a little at his shocked expression. "Shut up about my appetite."

Plopping down on the floor and grumbles something about not fighting fair. I open the tray of sushi as he pours two glasses of sake for us and we start eating, talking about our days.

We're almost done with the bottle of sake, most of the sushi, and he's in the middle of a story about one of his coworkers an hour later. "So I knew he was bullying Johnson into doing his work for him, and poor Johnson was too scared of him to do anything. So I decided to help him out. As it turns out, Peter's ex-girlfriend had some rather humiliating photos of him that she was too willing to share, since he'd cheated on her. I kindly passed those photos along to Johnson. Needless to say, Peter is doing his own work now and even offered to take some of Johnson's off his hands for him."

I laugh heartily. The sake has me pleasantly warm and relaxed. "What were the pictures?"

H throws his head back and laughs. "Pictures of Peter naked, some of him in . . . well, I guess some kind of Santa type outfit. Boots, big white beard, hat, and a red leather fur trimmed g-string."

I burst out into a round of giggles at the thought and find myself falling on the floor laughing. Edward, still laughing, grabs my hand to help me sit up. He pulls me upright and we continue to laugh at Peter.

Finally, our laughter calms down and we relax again. I look down and realize that Edward is still holding my hand from helping me sit up. Our fingers aren't intertwined, but his hands is grasping mine completely. And it's . . . nice? Yeah, it's nice. Warm. Sort of comforting.

He glances over and sees me staring at our hands and tries to pull his away, already apologizing, but I just tighten my grip a little.

"Don't," I say softly. "Please don't pull away."

*****

EPOV

"Don't. Please don't pull away," she says quietly, gripping my hand tighter.

I wanted to cheer out at this.

I'm holding Bella's hand. Bella is holding my hand. And doesn't want me to let go.

There is a God in heaven.

I smile at her, even though she doesn't see it, her eyes still trained on our joined hands. I slowly twist my hand and let my fingers gently tangle in hers, squeezing lightly to let her know I'm not letting go. And, oh God, I see her smile a little. I want to jump up and do a little happy dance.

Never in my life has someone holding my hand meant so much to me. My body felt so alive. Like there was some kind of electricity charging through my, spreading out from my hand.

I close my eyes and sigh contentedly.

"This is kind of nice," I hear her say, almost in a whisper.

"It is," I agree, just as quiet.

She clears her throat and I open my eyes, looking over at her. She's now staring at the leftover sushi on the tray in front of us. "So, how long is Josh's friend in town?"

"Through Sunday I think. They'll probably be out most of the weekend, though. You know how Josh can't stand to be home on a Friday or Saturday night."

"Yeah. Always the party-goer." She smiles a little, closing her eyes briefly. It's quiet for a moment, then she looks over at me again. "Are you coming tomorrow? I mean, you've fed me practically all week. I'll understand if you don't want to."

I can't believe she even has to ask. I'd never leave if possible. "I'll be here." For as long as you'll let me be. In any way you'll have me. Forever.

We fall into another comfortable silence, each of us off in our own brains. Except still somehow connected. Especially now, physically. Her hand squeezes me lightly every so often as we sit in silence.

I think back to when I first saw Bella. She had huge stacks of boxes piled up outside her doorway and was struggling with the lock. I knew the person who had lived there before and they always a little trouble getting it open. I never thought that when I helped her unlock her door, I'd be falling in love with her such a short time later.

It was nothing specific that she did. It was just her. I knew she was beautiful, but I could see there was something more than that. It must have been her eyes. They were just so deep, so expressive. Each time I was lucky enough to see her in the hallway, or, miraculously, share the elevator with her, I fell a little more for her. We never exchanged anything more than polite conversation. We were just neighbors, after all. I knew she was eighteen, she knew I was twenty. I knew she lived alone, she knew I had a roommate. But every time we went our separate ways, I missed her. Her tentative smile, her wide eyes.

It took me a year of this to finally work up the courage to ask her to dinner. She turned me down. I was devastated at first, but then she suggested take-out instead, saying she didn't like eating in restaurants. I couldn't hide my excitement as I agreed to bring her whatever she wanted.

Thus began our tradition. It started off once every couple weeks, then once a week. After several months, she told me that she'd start to be home early on Tuesdays and Fridays, and asked, somewhat shyly, if we could meet up both those days. Like saying no was even an option for me. I was completely smitten with her already. She could have asked me to hack off my left arm and beat myself senseless with it and I would've asked to borrow a knife.

I'm brought out of my memories by Bella trying, unsuccessfully, to stifle a yawn beside me. I'm reluctant to leave, not knowing if she'd ever allow me to hold her hand again, but I can see she's almost falling asleep.

"I should go and let you get some sleep," I say.

She nods and starts to stand, still holding my hand. I stand up with her. "Thanks Edward," she says. Squeezing my hand once more, she lets go. "For everything." I almost grab at her hand again, already missing the contact, but manage to restrain myself.

I gather up the leftover sushi and smile at her. "Goodnight, Bella. I'll see you tomorrow after work."

"Night, Edward."

She follows me to the door and closes it quietly behind me as I step into the hall. I hear her locks being put in place and sigh to myself.

Oh beautiful, exquisite Bella, you've made my night wonderful. Thank you for holding my hand.

*****

BPOV

Finally. Time to go. I can't believe I'm actually looking so forward to therapy today.

I pack up my stuff and quickly turn off my computer. I say goodbye to Emmett as I pass his cubicle and head for the elevators. I've been dying to tell Dr. Whitlock about my dream from a couple nights ago, and now I'm thinking I should tell him about last night, too. It was weird. I actually had a pleasant dream last night. And it kind of worries me.

I step out into the street and hail a cab. One immediately stops for me and I give him the address of the good doctor's office. The ride is quick and uneventful. I pay him and hop out as we pull up in front of the building.

"Good afternoon Ms. Swan," the receptionist greets me.

I can't help but smile at her. "Hi Alice. I think I'm a few minutes early," I say, glancing at the clock on the wall behind her.

She nods. "Just have a seat. He'll be ready for you in a few minutes. Cute sweater, by the way!"

I laugh lightly. "Thanks. It's one of the few nice things I actually own." I settle in one of the chairs to wait for my session. Flipping idly through an old magazine, I tap my foot absent-mindedly. The minutes creep past.

Finally, "Bella? Dr. Whitlock is ready for you. Go ahead in."

I drop the magazine on the table and step past her desk and down the narrow hall. I knock lightly on the office door and hear a 'come in' before opening it. I step inside, closing the door beside me. Dr. Whitlock is sitting at his desk, sipping a cup of coffee.

"Hello Bella. Can I get you anything?" he asks.

"No thanks." He always offers me something to drink immediately. I've never once taken him up on his offer. I sit down in the overstuffed armchair across from his desk and wait for him to get my file open and situated. After a minute of shuffling, he looks up at me and smiles.

"So how is your day going so far?"

I nod. "It's going well. Really well, actually." I smile a little. "I slept until my alarm went off this morning."

His eyes widen a little. "You did? That's the first time in . . ." He glances at his notebook. "The first time in almost 4 years, isn't it?"

"It is. I was shocked." I fidget with my fingers in my lap. "I also had a pleasant dream last night. Its the first one for a long, long time."

Scribbling, he says, "Tell me about the dream."

"Well, I was sitting on the ground by this pond. It was a really bright, sunny day outside. Warm, but not hot. It was perfect. I was watching these ducks swimming around. It was a mother duck and her ducklings. I think it was their first swim. While I was watching them, my neighbor, Edward, sat down beside me to watch with me. We didn't say anything to each other, but he reached out and took my hand. And then we just sat there, holding hands and watching. It was so peaceful. It was so perfect." I almost choke up a little. It was too perfect. Why can't life be like that?

"Edward is the one you have dinner with weekly." He says. Not a question, but I nod anyway. "Have you ever been romantically involved with him?"

I blanch a little at the question. "Definitely not. He's just a friend. We . . . well, last night, he kind of held my hand. I'm assuming that's why I dreamed about it. But other than that, nothing ever."

"Did he initiate the hand holding, or did you?"

"Neither, really. I fell off the couch laughing at something and he helped me sit up and we just didn't really let go."

Scribbles. "Did you enjoy it?"

Slight blush. "Yeah."

"How long did you let it go on?"

"Um, well, at one point he noticed me noticing he was still holding my hand and he tried to take it away. I don't know why, but I didn't want him to let go. It felt nice. I've never really done that before. So he let me keep holding on until he left." I flex my fist a couple times. Why am I so nervous talking about this?

"It's okay to like it, Bella. It's wonderful, actually." He scribbles one more thing and then puts his pen down. "Okay, Bella, on Tuesday, you were telling me about when you were thirteen. If you're up for it, I'd like you to continue telling me about that today. Do you feel up to it?"

I swallow hard and look down, but nod. I know he needs to know everything to help me. "Yeah, I guess." Deep breath. Just do it.

_Flashback_

_James opens the back passenger door and gestures for me to get in._

_I freeze. I can feel the tears start to fill my eyes again and I quickly reach up to wipe them away. James stops me this time._

_"We're alone now," he says. He's smiling again. "Go ahead and cry. It's quite . . . lovely." He laughs then and pushes me into the vehicle._

_The thought that he likes me crying just makes me choke back the sob threatening to escape my throat and will the tears to stop. I don't want to give him the satisfaction. I quickly scramble upright in the seat as he slides in next to me._

_"Buckle up. Wouldn't want you to get hurt if we got into an accident," he says with a smirk._

_I shy away from him as i secure the seat belt, pressing myself against the door. Mistake._

_Instead of buckling up himself, James scoots over to me as Victoria backs out of the parking space and leaves the lot. I cringe and close my eyes tightly as he reaches a hand out and softly strokes his fingertips across my cheek. It makes my skin crawl._

_"Tell me, dear Bella," he says, leaning in close. I can smell him closing in around me. "Why do you think we've taken you?" I shake my head a little, to let him know that I have no idea. It wasn't enough for him. "You may talk now."_

_I swallow hard and whisper, "I don't know."_

_He gathers my long hair up and pushes it over my shoulder furthest from him, exposing my neck to him. He trails a single finger up and down and I shudder. His touch alone is making my stomach churn._

_"Do you think we want to rob you?" he asks, his voice low and in my ear._

_"I- I don't have any money. I mean, just a little. You can have it," I stammer, going to reach into my pocket for the forty dollars I have there._

_He stops me with a hand on my arm. Sliding it down to there my hand is poised to go into my pocket, he brushes my hand away and slides his own into the pocket. Without thinking, I try to jerk my body away from him, only succeeding in banging my knee into the door. I grimace in pain as he chuckles, pulling the money from my pocket._

_"Well, thank you for the pocket change," he says slipping the money into the pocket of his leather jacket. Bringing his hand back to my neck, he continues to trace up and down, up and down, dipping lower with each pass until he's caressing my collar bone. "But we didn't take you to rob you."_

_I can feel the tears start to come then, falling down my cheeks. "Are you going to rape me?" I ask quietly._

_He seems to think about it for a minute. "You know, I hadn't planned on it. Of course, I wasn't expecting Victoria to find such a pretty little thing out there today." He leans in close, pressing against the side of my body. "How old are you, Bella?"_

_"Th-thirteen."_

_"Mmm. So young. Tell me, have you ever had a boy touch you here?" he asks, grazing his hand over my breasts._

_"N-no," I whisper, the tears flowing freely at this point._

_"No? Well, if a boy has never touched you there, certainly you've never had a boy touch you like this." He puts his hand on my knee and begins to slide it up my thigh. I try to close my legs tightly together as he reaches my upper thigh, but he shoves his hand between my thighs, cupping his hand over me. I let out a low sob and shove his hand away._

_I begin to tremble as I wait for him to get angry, but he just chuckles and sits back against the seat, throwing his arm around my shoulders._

_"We'll just have to wait and see about that. Like I said, it wasn't my intention to rape you, but I'm not normally attracted to the girls." I stifle another cry at the thought that he's kidnapped others. I can't help but wonder what had happened to them. He keeps talking as if I wasn't crying. "There's something about you. You're really pretty." He reaches down and rubs his hand over his crotch. My stomach flips again when I notice he has a rather large bulge there. "You being a virgin really just turns me on. Bet you're so fucking tight." I whimper and he pats my head. "Don't worry. We'll discuss it at a later date."_

_"Please," I beg. "I just want to go home." I sniffle loudly, trying to stop the tears unsuccessfully._

_"Well, dear Bella, I'm afraid I just can't allow that." He tightens his arm around my shoulders, pulling me tight against him, eliciting another low sob from me. "Now, be a good girl and shut up for now."_

_So, I silently tremble against him, praying that by now Ange and Jess have called my dad or the cops and that they're looking for me._

_End Flashback_

I didn't realize that I was sobbing until Dr Whitlock hands me a box a tissues. I hadn't even noticed him get up out of his chair.

"Let's stop there Bella." His voice is quiet, calming.

I draw in deep breaths, wiping my nose with a tissue and blinking hard against the tears. "I'm sorry for crying."

"Never apologize for crying Bella. What you've been through is very difficult. Your body makes you cry as a release for the emotions you're holding inside. You should always let yourself cry if your body is telling you to." He sits down and scribbles a couple more notes quickly in his notebook while I compose myself.

I clear my throat, and take one more deep breath. There. All calm now.

"How is work going, Bella?" Dr. Whitlock asks.

"Work is good. Esme is still just as sweet as ever. Emmett has been a little over-board though. He just found out about my dinners with Edward and went big brother on him." I smile. I'd never admit it to him, but I loved the way Emmett looks out for me.

Dr. Whitlock also smiles. "He cares about you."

"He does. He seemed happy, actually, that I was having dinner with him. He's been worried about me not interacting enough with people."

"He may be on to something. But you're dinners with Edward are a great progress. I know you're not ready to be in a large social group, but even spending time with one person and allowing yourself to open up to them is good. How does Edward feel about what happened to you?"

I look down, fidgeting with my hands again. I quietly say, "He has no idea what happened. I haven't told him anything."

"Nothing at all? You've said that you're quite good friends with him, that you two talk a lot. Is there a reason you haven't told him?"

I shake my head a little. "I don't know. I mean, I don't _think _he'd judge me. I don't want to scare him off. Who wants to hang out with a nut job?"

"Bella," he says tersely. I look up, shocked. He's never used that tone with me. "You are not a nut job. Do not ever refer to yourself as such, do you understand?" I nod a little. "You've had a very traumatic experience that has left you with some understandable worries in life. You're getting help to get past those worries. You are incredibly strong for being able to do this for yourself." He scribbles something furiously in his notebook. "Do you honestly believe that Edward will turn away from you if you were to tell him this? Or is this just another measure to keep him at a distance?"

I sigh. "I don't know."

"I want you to do something before our next session. I want you to confide in Edward something that you normally would keep from him. It doesn't have to be a big secret. Just one thing. You've told me time and time again that you trust him, and feel at ease with him. I want you to do this to help yourself open up a little more. Can you do that?"

"What kind of secret?" I ask hesitantly.

"Anything at all. Who your first crush was. Your guilty pleasure song. That you cheated on a test in high school. Anything you feel comfortable with."

I nod. "Okay."

He smiles. "Wonderful. And that's our time for today. I hope you have a nice weekend, Bella. I'll see you again on Tuesday."

"Thank you, Dr. Whitlock."

I let myself out of the office and wave at Alice, wishing her a happy weekend. I step out into the afternoon sun, wondering what on Earth I'll end up telling Edward.

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**Send me some love via reviews :) I deserve it for getting a new chapter out so quickly!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry it took so long guys! I know you were curious about what secret Bella would tell Edward. To be quite honest, I was curious, too! I had no idea what to write lol. So it took a little longer than usual. I hope it was worth the wait, though. I think the chapter came out pretty nicely.  
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BPOV

Okay, a secret. I can do that. I think.

Walking slowly back to my apartment after my session, my brain refuses to bring up any kind of 'secret' that I can share with Edward.

I don't know exactly how to work into a conversation 'by the way, when I was 7 I wanted to kiss Steven Kirkpatrick but didn't because my best friend told me he was icky.'

See, I just don't know how to bring up any secrets. Besides, why would he even care? I mean, he always listens to what I have to say, seems interested. But he's just my friendly neighbor who needs someone to eat with a couple nights a week.

Ooh, I wonder what he's bringing us tonight. I'm starving.

I realize I'm already in front of my building. Wow, that walk went fast. I let myself in and make my way to the elevators. I smile when the button actually lights up. They finally fixed it.

I step in and press the button for the sixth floor and as the doors are closing, I hear "Hold the elevator!"

I quickly reach out and hold the doors open as one of the other women in the building runs in, holding a few shopping bags.

"Oh, thanks, Bella. Can you press eight?"

"Sure, Rose." I press the button. "Been shopping?" I eye her bags. Rosalie and I had met a little over a year ago when she dropped nearly a dozen bags in the front lobby and I stopped to help her pick them up. We always had brief, pleasant exchanges when we saw each other, but never went beyond that. To be quite honest, I was intimidated by her. She was gorgeous. I felt even uglier standing in this little elevator next to her.

"Of course!" she says, laughing. "A little retail therapy." She frowns a little. "Brad dumped me last night." Her newest boyfriend, Brad, I hadn't met. They'd only been together for a couple weeks, though, as far as I knew.

"Oh, I'm sorry Rose." I didn't know what else to say. I liked Rose, but they way she went through men kind of disturbed me. She'd had half a dozen boyfriends since we'd met that I knew of.

She immediately perks back up. "Oh well. Maybe the next one will be Mr. Right."

I breathe a silent sigh of relief when the elevator opens on my floor. "Hopefully," I say, stepping out. "Take care!" The elevator closes and I quickly make my way to my apartment.

As I'm struggling to get my lock open, I hear from the end of the hall, "Bella!" I sigh internally. Can't I just get in my place and alone? I turn and see Edward's roommate Josh rushing down the hall, dragging someone behind him.

I put on a smile. Despite him being so loud and outgoing, I did truly like Josh. "Hey Josh."

"Bella! How are you?" he asks, ignoring his friend for the moment.

"Same as always. How's everything going with you?"

"Swimmingly! Oh, Bella, this is Alex! Alex, this is the wonderful, fabulous, gorgeous Bella you've been hearing all about," he says, winking at me. I roll my eyes at him.

"Sure, sure. I know you spend all your free time talking about how great I am. Nice to meet you Alex."

He laughs and shakes his head as Alex offers me his hand. I shake it quickly and release it. "Nice to meet you, too, Bella."

We stand there in a slightly awkward silence for a minute, then Josh says, "Oh! Thanks for babysitting Edward for me. I know he gets all uncomfortable when I have company." He laughs and takes Alex's hand in his. "He's not been too much of a bother, has he?"

I smile. "Not at all. Besides, I haven't had to cook or buy myself dinner all week."

"He is good for a free meal now and then. Anyway, we've got to get going. I'll see you later Bella!"

"Nice meeting you," Alex says again as he's dragged into their apartment.

I can't help but chuckle as I finally get my door open and step inside. It's another hour and a half until Edward will get here, so I decide to hop in the shower. Maybe that'll help me think of something to tell him tonight.

Dropping my bag on the floor by the door and kicking off my shoes, I make my way to my bathroom. It's a small room, but not terribly uncomfortable. Cozy, I guess you could call it.

Turning on the water, I start to strip off my work clothes, piling them up on the counter. As always, my eyes are drawn to my body as it becomes visible in the mirror. I stand, completely naked, watching myself in the mirror. Gently, I trace one finger along my upper thighs. Over my stomach. Over my breasts. I close my eyes as a few tears slide down my cheeks. With my eyes closed, I can feel each raised bit of skin, each scar. I can feel where they overlap in some places. Where they are raised even more where some had been opened repeatedly. A small shudder runs through my body and I shake my head, forcing the thoughts away as I step into the shower's warm spray.

As I stand under the stream of water, letting it wet down my hair, I think about Edward instead.

What will I tell him tonight? I could tell him about the time I stole five dollars from my dad's wallet when I was ten. I've never told anyone about that. Of course, I'd later felt guilty and had hidden it in his room. He thought he'd just misplaced it.

I pour some shampoo into my hand and start to work it into my hair, building a rich lather.

Maybe I can tell him about when I was twelve and tried drinking a beer with Jess. We'd taken it from her parent's cooler at a picnic and hid in the bathroom to drink it. It was disgusting and we'd both thrown it up before we could finish it.

No, that's lame. All my secrets are lame. Lame, or too . . . secrety.

I rinse my hair out and slather on conditioner.

I guess I could tell him why I'm therapy. Yeah, that would be a great idea. Then he'll run screaming from me. I won't have anyone to share dinners with. No one to watch movies with, or talk about music with. Or to just hang out with and relax. Yeah, fabulous idea.

I sigh and rinse the conditioner out of my hair angrily. This is ridiculous! It's Edward. He listens to whatever I say without complaint. I can tell him any damn thing and he'll just take it in and make some comment that'll make all this worrying seem stupid. Because he's really good at that. Making me feel like I can tell him anything. Not the feeling stupid bit.

Right. So I'll just tell him whatever seems to come to mind while we're talking. Then I'll have fulfilled Dr. Whitlock's request. Not so hard.

I shiver, realizing the water has begun to get cold as I've stood here overanazlyzing my evening before it even starts. I quickly turn it off and step out, drying myself with a fluffy towel.

I make my way into my bedroom, digging through my dresser for some sweats and another hoodie. Slipping into them, I relish their comfortable warmth.

I'm dragging a brush through my hair when there's a knock at the door. I glance at the clock. Damn. Edward is here already. I really need to focus on not zoning out so much in the shower.

I quickly hurry to the door, peeking through the hole to make sure it's him. Sure enough, there he stands, take out bags in hand. I smile as I open the locks, then the door.

"Hey. Come on in." I step to the side, letting him into the apartment. Quickly locking the door behind him, I join him in the kitchen as he gathers plates, etc. "How was your day?" I ask.

"Oh, same ol', same ol'," he replies, grabbing two beers from the fridge. "Boring as ever, and thankfully the end of the week. How was yours?"

"It was okay. It's always nice to have the half day at work. Had therapy this afternoon."

He smiles lightly as we walk back into the living room, situating ourselves around the coffee table. He always treads lightly around the subject of therapy. I can't tell if it's because he's afraid to find out why I'm there or if he just doesn't want to upset me. Either way, I've always been thankful for it.

"Good session?"

I nod, digging through the bags of food. Chinese. Yum. "It was. Dr. Whitlock has been really helpful to me with everything so far. It's nice to have some kind of perspective on things other than my own."

I shove a chunk of chicken in my mouth and he gives me that crooked smile he always does when I stuff my face. Instead of making fun of me, though, he says, "You can always talk to me, too, you know. I mean, I know I'm not really qualified to offer you any advice or something, but sometimes just talking about whatever really can help."

Well, since he's given me an in, I swallow and say, "Well, actually, I'm supposed to talk to you before my next session."

His eyebrows rise up. "Yeah? What about?"

"I'm supposed to tell you a secret. Dr. Whitlock thinks it'll help me with my problems with opening up to people. He figures since we hang out, you'd be a good person to tell."

He smiles at me, sitting back a little and waiting. I curse myself for not coming up with something earlier. I have no idea what to tell him. So I blurt out the first thing I can think of.

"I thought you and Josh were a couple when I first met you."

He chokes on a little surprised noise that catches in his throat. "You thought I was gay?"

I look down, embarrassed. "Well, I mean, you're both good looking guys and I never saw any women coming around and you lived together. I know I shouldn't have assumed, but . . . yeah." I chance a look up at him, seeing if he's mad. Of everything I could have told him, my brain decides to spew that out at him. Ugh.

He looks a little amused, now, though. "Well, you were half right anyway." He laughs, and I join him, glad he's not mad. "Really, though, do I seem gay?"

I shake my head, popping another piece of chicken in my mouth. "No," I say, while chewing. Classy, I know. "Like I said, I never saw any women come over. I figured any straight guy who looked like you would have them taking tickets outside waiting their turn."

He smirks. "So if I'm good looking and not gay, I have to be a slut?"

I laugh at this. "Well, if you believe most guys, yes." I shake my head, taking a drink from my beer. "I don't know. I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it. It's just the first thing that popped into my head. I've been trying all afternoon to think of something to tell you. I didn't think you'd care about my first crush or anything like that."

"Actually, I'd love to know who your first crush was." He eats some, watching me.

"Yeah? It was Steven Kirkpatrick when I was 7. He lived a few houses down from me and had a really cool bike and his parents had a pool. I told my friend that I wanted to kiss him. He would've been my first kiss. She told me he was icky." I smile, thinking back to then. It was such an innocent time. I missed it terribly.

"So poor Steven missed out on a kiss from a pretty girl because he was icky?" Edward scoffs. "That poor kid."

I laugh. "He did miss out . . . then. But I still liked him. I spent my whole summer in his pool. We hung out whenever we didn't have anyone else to hang out with. I ended up kissing another boy before him, but I was his first kiss." I blush a little.

He grins again. "So all it took was a cool bike and a pool to get you, huh? Too bad you didn't live near me. I had a kick ass ten-speed, a pool, _and_ a tree house."

I giggle a little and shake my head. "Good thing I didn't live near you, actually. I'd have been picking out a wedding dress by the time summer was over with. Planning a romantic honeymoon in the treehouse. With lots of hand-holding!" I throw my head back and giggle whole-heartedly now, picturing me at 7 holding little Edward's hand, calling him my husband. Oh, my father would have just _loved_ that. "My dad would have had an aneurysm!"

Edward laughs, too. "It's okay, my mom would have been thrilled. She always wanted me to settle down with a nice girl. But, what a stir we would have caused! Me seducing the young neighbor girl with my treehouse!"

We're both roaring with laughter at this point, each of us spurring on the other whenever we'd start to calm down. Finally, I manage to take a few deep breaths and let my giggling die out. I slide off the couch, shaking my head, settling down next to him. We're quiet for a moment as we catch out breaths, both of us grinning like idiots still.

I can't help but think about how we'd held hands last time after laughing so much. And how badly I want to hold him hand again. Can I just reach out there and take it in mine? Is that what people do? Should I ask him? What if it was a one-time thing? He may think I'm some kind of freak. I mean, who holds hands with their neighbor, anyway? But, I guess we're friends. Right? Maybe. Kind of. UGH! This is so frustrating!

"What are you thinking about so hard?" Edward asks, breaking me out of my internal dilemma. He's got a curious smile on his face.

I blush. Great, now I'm a blushing idiot. I guess I can ask. Worse he can do is say no, right? Or laugh at me. "Well . . . I was just thinking about holding your hand. And, don't laugh, I was wondering how to do it again without looking weird."

His smile widens into a huge grin. "You want to hold my hand?"

I roll my eyes, moving to get back on the couch. "Don't laugh. It was nice." I scurry up and fall back into the cushions.

"Bella," he says, jumping up and sitting beside me in the middle of the couch, still giving me some space. Almost like he knows I need that little bit of space. "I wasn't laughing. I would love to hold your hand again." He opens his hand, offering it to me.

I pause for a moment, then reach out and lay my hand in his. His long fingers wrap gently around mine, his palm resting firmly against my own. He gives it a gentle squeeze, then lets it rest between us on the couch. I look up at him. "This isn't weird, is it? I mean, I've never really done the hand-holding thing. I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

He raises an eyebrow. "What do you mean, you've never done the hand-holding thing?"

I run my free hand over my face. I shouldn't have said anything. But . . . I can trust him. "Well, I mean when I was a kid, I'm sure I did, but I don't remember it."

"And none of your boyfriends ever held your hand?" he asks. He sounds a little angry.

I should have known he'd ask about boyfriends. "I've never really . . . had a boyfriend before."

I glance at him again when he's silent. Nothing but shock on his face. "Never?"

"Nope."

"Bella, how is that even possible? I mean, you're gorgeous, smart, funny, wonderful. How can you possibly have gone your whole life without a boyfriend?"

I can't help but blush and look away from him. "First of all, I'm not really any of those things."

"Bella! Of course you are!" He turns his body, putting his other hand on the back of mine that he's holding. He stares me until I look up at him, then he stares me in the eyes as he says, "Don't ever think you aren't. Even if you don't see it yourself, even if no one was smart enough to tell you in the past, trust me, you are all those things and more. Please don't ever believe that you aren't."

I roll my eyes a little, trying not to let him see how his words touch me. It's true, no one has ever really said those things to me. And no matter how many times I'd hoped someone would, and mean it, I just can't believe it. I appreciate his effort to make me feel good about myself, but some kind words aren't going to do it for me. Not right now, anyway. Regardless, I give him a small smile, and continue like he hadn't interrupted.

"Secondly, I've never really met a guy I wanted to date, I guess. After everything, it just seems weird to even consider a relationship. I'm not in a good place for it."

He hangs his head. "I hate to hear you say things like that. Any man would be lucky to date you, to have your love. It would be something to cherish. You deserve to be worshiped, Bella. One day, you'll find that person who will treat you like the goddess you are. Who would give you anything you could ever ask for. Someone who will anticipate your every need."

He's squeezing my hand rather tightly now, but it's not uncomfortable. It feels like he's almost afraid to let go. His eyes never leave our joined hands. I swallow hard as he continues.

"You will find someone who can't breathe when you're not around, someone who can't imagine going a day without seeing you. You'll be on their mind every second you're not in their arms. They'll dream about you while you sleep beside them." He looks up now, his eyes connecting with mine once again. "Someone who would give anything, even their life, if it meant that you would be happy. Someone who would do anything in their power to keep all pain and sadness from you. You deserve that, and so much more, Bella. You deserve the world and all the beauty and joy it has to offer. And one day, you will have it."

I stare at him. What else am I supposed to do? No one has ever in my entire life, said anything so beautiful to me. No one has ever touched my heart like he just has. And I feel an inexplicable pain in my chest. Like my heart is pounding so hard it might burst. He releases my hand with one of his and reaches forward, bringing his fingers close to my cheek. I flinch away and he immediately drops his hand, a slight grimace on his face.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I . . . I didn't mean to make you cry."

Am I crying? I reach up and touch my cheeks with my free hand. Yes. There are tears on my cheeks. I didn't even realize.

His sad eyes watch as I wipe my face off. I offer him a weak smile. "It's okay. Its just that what you said, it was so beautiful." I laugh weakly. "I'm such a girl. I'm sorry."

He smiles, and it barely touches his eyes. "I meant every word of it, you know."

"I know you did, Edward. And thank you." I hesitantly reach out. Can I touch his face? Is that weird? I just want to touch his cheek.

I gently let my fingers touch his cheek and he sighs, leaning into my fingers a little. I slide my fingers softly back, letting my whole hand rest against his cheek and jaw. His whole posture relaxes and he leans against my hand a little more. His smile tells me that this is okay. He likes it. After briefly rubbing my thumb against his light stubble, I pull back my hand, resting it in my lap.

"Thank you," I say softly.

"No, thank you," he says.

* * *

**Okay, I don't know about you, but if a guy told me all that, I'd probably melt into a puddle of blubbering goo. I was kind of in tears (happy ones, of course) writing it, so I hope you liked everything he said. Kinda dreamy, imo. Also, for those who read _Small Town Wonders_, I just had to bring Josh back! And Alex. I don't know if they'll really have any purpose in the story, other than giving Edward an excuse to see Bella more.**

**Okay, I'm rambling a little. Sorry.**

**Give me some sweet reviews! I love each and every one of them, even if I don't reply. Trust me, I appreciate them all.  
**


	6. Chapter 6

**Yay! A little more Josh! AND a teeny tiny bonus POV at the end. Enjoy!**

**Not mine.  
**

* * *

EPOV

What the hell are we watching?

I glance over at the couch and Josh and Alex are cuddled up, laughing at whatever this strange cartoon is. Why we're all sitting here on a Saturday morning, watching children's cartoons, is beyond me. I could be in bed still. It's only 8:30.

But it was pointless trying to sleep last night, why would I be able to this morning? After I all but poured my heart out to Bella last night, I couldn't do anything but think about it over, and over, and over again. I didn't mean to say those things to her - not that I regret it at all. But honestly, it was one step away from me hiring a skywriter to profess my undying love for her. What could she possibly be thinking about that?

Though, I guess it didn't freak her out too bad. I mean, she did cry, but she said it was because it was beautiful. Then, she touched me. Oh man, her hand on my face was just divine. Heaven. Pure, wonderful, unabashed, exquisite joy. Its like I can still feel her skin touching me. I bring my hand up to gently touch my cheek as she had.

"What are you grinning about Eddie?" Josh asks.

I glance over. I was grinning? Oh hell, I don't doubt it. I can't deny it. "Bella touched me last night," I say, and even I am aware of how breathless and wistful it sounds.

He laughs. "So you finally got somewhere with her? That's great! I'm glad. Your pent up sexual frustration is getting old."

I glare at him. "I'm not sexually frustrated. And I didn't sleep with Bella. I didn't mean it like that. She touched my cheek. And we held hands again."

Sighing, Josh smiles at me. "Look, I know. I was only kidding. You know I love Bella, too. And really, its just too cute for words that you're all excited about holding hands. Its like having your first boyfriend again. Or, well, girlfriend, I guess."

I can't help but laugh at him. He's been a really good friend, listening to me pine over Bella for a couple years now. Hell, we're a pillow fight and some nail painting away from just having a full-out slumber party. And I don't think he'd be terribly opposed to either of those things.

Alex, who for the most part has remained quiet his whole stay (well, quiet outside the bedroom), speaks up. "She's lovely, Edward. I met her yesterday. I could tell right away why you like her." He pauses, thinking for a second, then adds, "There's something she's afraid of though. When she shook my hand, it was almost like she was afraid I'd hurt her."

I nod. I'd noticed that reaction when we first met, and up until recently, pretty much everything I did caused it, as well. I remember last night, her flinching away when I tried to wipe her tears from her cheeks. "She's been through something, I think. I'm not really sure, and I won't force her to tell me. I'm just thrilled that she's letting me in at all. And, God, holding her hand just sets me on fire. Its like my whole body buzzes. It makes my heart pound. I've never had someone affect me so much before."

"That's love, Ed. I told you, I could see that you loved her a couple months after she moved in. I think you should tell her." Josh waves his hand in my direction. "Maybe then you can quit moping about whenever you can't be around her."

"I'm not moping," I say, fully aware that I'm pouting. I straighten up. "Besides, it's normal to want to be with the one you love all the time."

"It is. And if you'd tell her, maybe you could be around her even more. I never see her go out or bring anyone else over. You basically monopolize her time anyway, why not have all her free time?"

I think about that. Do I monopolize her? Maybe I'm over there too much. I don't want her to get sick of me. She might be afraid to tell me to bug off.

As if sensing what I'm thinking, Josh adds, "She loves it when you go over. I've seen her smile when she opens the door to you standing there."

"You really think so?" I ask, smiling wistfully. That smile. It makes my day. Seeing her beautiful lips turn up melts away every worry, every anxiety I have.

"I know so. So, why don't you go over there, and ask her to do something today? Maybe try to get her to go out somewhere. Hell, even if you take her to the gym. You know she's always up for that. I've never seen a girl work out so much before." With that, he settles back against Alex, and resumes watching his cartoons.

The gym. Perfect. I jump up and run to my room, throwing off my pajamas and pulling on some gym shorts and a tshirt. Stepping into my sneakers, I grab my duffel and head out of my apartment. I step across the hall and knock gently on Bella's door. It's quiet inside. I hope I don't wake her up.

After a minute of no response, I'm deciding between knocking again and going back to my place when I hear her locks opening. The door opens and there stands my beautiful Bella, wearing her baggy sweats, her hair tangled back in a sloppy bun, and a worn book in her arm.

"Edward? Hey. What's up?" she asks, a confused look in her eyes.

I can't answer for a minute. All I can do is stare at her. No one should ever look so magnificent in sweats. She clears her throat and I shake my head a little, smiling and finding my voice. "Hey, Bella. I didn't wake you, did I?"

She laughs a little. "No. I've been up awhile."

"Ah. Well, uh . . . I was just heading out to the gym. I was wondering if . . . maybe did you want to join me?"

"I don't usually go on weekends . . . " she says. Fuck, of course not. She goes every morning. Why would she want to spend her days off working out too? "But what the hell? I'm always in the mood for a good run. Give me a few minutes to change?" she says, stepping back gesturing for me to come in. I smile and slip past her, sitting down on the couch. She drops her book on the coffee table and walks into her room.

While she's changing, I pick her up book. Huh. _Wuthering Heights._ I wouldn't have pegged her for that type. Classic love stories just don't seem like Bella. But then again, there's bound to be tons that I don't know about her. I place the book back on the table and sit back, waiting for her, trying hard not to think about the fact that on the other side of her bedroom door, she's quite possibly naked.

Ugh, Edward, you're a pig. Just stop thinking about her naked. You'll probably never get to see it anyway. She doesn't like you like that. You might as well be one of her girlfriends. She doesn't like you like that. Take what you can get. Even if its only hand holding.

"Ready?" Bella asks from her bedroom doorway. She's wearing some tighter sweat pants and a huge, ugly tshirt. Still beautiful.

"Ready when you are." I jump up, and follow her out of her apartment, pausing so she can lock her door, and then we wait for the elevator to come up to our floor.

"So I usually jog to the gym to start my warm up. Is that okay with you?" she asks as we step into the elevator.

Anything you want is okay. I'd do anything you asked me. "Yeah, that sounds good. It's been awhile since I've worked out. A nice warm up will be good."

"Great. Hope you can keep up with me," she says, shooting me a sly smirk. Oh, Bella. I'd keep up with you anywhere you went.

"I think I can manage."

As we step out in the lobby, she pauses to stretch some. I watch as she reaches back to grab her ankles, one at a time, pulling up to stretch her legs. God, she looks flexible, too. How can she be even more appealing?

I almost groan out loud as she bends at the waist to touch her toes, her beautiful, firm ass taunting me. My hands twitch, screaming at me to just reach out and grab her. She finishes her stretches and stands up, looking at me curiously.

"Aren't you going to stretch any? You'll cramp up if you don't."

What? Oh, right. Stretching. Instead of staring at her. Damnit Edward. "Uh, I did already, at my apartment," I lie. Much better than telling her I was too busy lusting after her ass.

She just shrugs and walks out into the street, with me right behind her. "Ready?"

"Yep, let's go."

Bella takes off in a slow jog, her hair bouncing in its sloppy bun. I can't help but stare at her, keeping myself as close beside her as possible. She glances over at me and smiles, and I look forward. Stop staring at her!

The pace is almost leisurely for a minute before she speeds up a little. I push myself a bit harder, keeping up with her easily. After another minute, she looks over again. "You ready to really jog now?" she asks, not sounding out of breath at all. Okay, so maybe she's in slightly better shape than me.

"Sure," I pant back. Surely, I can keep up with her no problem. I've always been a fast runner.

And then she's gone. She's taken off in almost a sprint, leaving me in her dust. I stare, open-mouthed for a second, and then take off after her.

She's waiting for me at the gym, a little pink in the face, but otherwise perfectly fine. I'm huffing and puffing and nearly falling down.

"Christ . . . woman! You could've . . . warned me . . . that you're a . . . track star!" I gasp out while sucking in breaths.

Bella giggles, and my humiliation at being so out of shape is forgotten. "Sorry Edward. I figured you'd be up for the run." She smiles and nods towards the gym. "Come on. I'll take it easy on you inside." She pulls the door open and saunters in, with me tagging along behind her like a puppy.

Before we're even ten feet in, I hear someone calling her.

"Bella! Hey, Bella!"

She groans quietly, then puts on a small smile, turning toward the voice. A very eager looking guy runs up. His blond hair is all over the place and looks gelled. Going for that 'sex hair' look, I guess.

"Bella, hey! What are you doing here? You don't usually come in on Saturdays." His eyes run over her body and I fight back a growl. Who the hell does he think he is, checking her out like that?

"Hi Mike. My friend Edward was headed here, so I decided to tag along." She steps back a step, distancing herself a bit from him, and standing beside me. My heart sings out as my inner child sticks his tongue out at this Mike.

"Oh. I didn't notice you there. Hi, I'm Mike." He offers me his hand, which I shake. He squeezes it too hard to be just a casual shake, and I return the favor, smiling inwardly as he cringes a bit. Take _that_ Mike!

"Nice to meet you." Not. I turn to look at Bella. "Shall we?" I ask her, gesturing to the equipment.

She smiles. "Sure. See you later Mike," she says, without glancing at him again. In your face Mike!

As soon as we're out of ear-shot, she sighs. "So, I take it he's not a friend of yours?" I ask, laughing a little.

"Ugh, not at all. He's been hitting on me since I joined the gym. He has a membership here, too. I've never even seen him work out. He just hangs out." She stops by an elliptical and climbs on. I climb onto the one beside her. Mimicking her button pressing, we both start to work out. "He's kind of a creep. Always leering at me."

I can feel my face harden. "I can take care of that, if you want. No one has the right to make you uncomfortable."

*****

BPOV

I can't help but laugh at Edward. "I can handle it, don't worry." His face falls a little. I kind of feel bad. "I mean, it's nice of you to offer, but I don't want to bother you with it. He's just a perv. He watches me work out sometimes, but other than that, a quick scolding and he leaves me alone."

"Well, if you're sure," he says. I notice he's struggling for breath again. Man, he must not work out at all.

"Do you need to stop?" I ask. I usually go another 15 minutes.

"What? No. I'm good." He gives me a smile and then concentrates on what he's doing.

Poor guy. Trying to look stronger than me, I guess. It's not his fault that I work out so much. After five more minutes, I take pity on him and stop my machine. He quickly stops his and jumps off, breathing hard.

"Stopping already?" he gasps. "I was just getting in my groove."

I laugh heartily, grabbing my towel and bottle. "Your groove? Seriously?" I playfully pop my towel at him and he jumps back. "Come on. Up for the StairMaster?"

He follows me over. "You don't get enough of this when the elevator goes out at home?"

I hop up on one and punch all the buttons, starting to climb. I notice he doesn't grab the empty one beside me, and I giggle. "It's not the same as real stairs. Besides, it's great for the calves, thighs, and butt."

Good Lord, did I just say that? Am I . . . flirting with him? Maybe. How does that work, anyway? I've never tried flirting before. I glance over and he's watching my ass as I climb. Okay, so I guess I did something right. I smirk a little and look away. Hell, let him enjoy it. At least he's not creepy like . . . ugh, Mike. Staring at me from across the room. Stop staring!

"Hey, Edward?"

His head snaps up, and he looks like he wants to blush. I decide to toy with him a little.

"Look all you want. I don't mind, really, but do me a favor and move to my other side so you can block me from Mike's view?"

His eyes immediately scan around the room, locking on Mike. Man, if looks could kill. Mike notices Edward's glare and quickly averts his eyes. Good boy. I laugh.

"What?" Edward says, stepping around to my other side to block Mike's view if he looks back.

I shake my head at him, smiling. "I think you scared him." I open my bottle and take a drink, pushing a button to up the resistance on the machine.

"He deserves it. He shouldn't watch you like that."

I raise an eyebrow at him. Sure, he's watching my face now. "Oh? Like you weren't just staring at my ass a second ago?"

This time he does blush, and stammers out an apology. "I'm sorry, Bella. It was totally a jackass thing for me to do. But you did mention it first, you know." He gives me a small smile.

"I suppose I did." I drain my bottle. "Hey, since you're not climbing, mind filling this up at the fountain?" I toss him my bottle. He nods and walks off.

As the climb starts to burn through my thighs, I let my mind wander. Why am I flirting with Edward? More importantly, why am I enjoying his attention so much? Its always creeped me out when guys paid attention to me. After James and everything that happened, I haven't had any desire to be with a guy at all. I mean, sure I tried once to hook up with a guy. Boy, was _that_ disastrous. After breaking down in tears and shoving him off me, I ended up throwing him out and never returning his calls. That's about the time I called it quits on ever having a relationship. I just wasn't normal enough for that.

But with Edward, it's so nice. Granted, I don't know a thing about how relationships work, but how we hang out, how he listens to me. That's got to be part of it. And I do enjoy my time with him. I'm certainly not looking for anyone else to have dinner with. No one else to just sit around and talk to. It seems like it would be easy to just be together.

But could Edward even want me like that? He has no idea what I've been through. Would he understand why I was so reluctant to be touched? Why I was afraid to kiss him? Could he understand that the thought of sex sent me into a bit of a panic attack? He's always been so kind about respecting my boundaries, but he's a man. Men have needs. I know this. I'm not stupid. Could I give that to him if we were to date?

Do I want to?

Sometimes I think I do.

"Hey, Bella."

I glance over. "What, Mike?" God, just take a hint, already!

"Look, I know we've never hung out much." Or at all. "I was just wondering if I could take you out to dinner sometime."

Before I can reject him, from behind me, I hear, "She doesn't like to go out to restaurants. And she's busy for dinner anyway. We've got plans."

"I wasn't asking you," Mike seethes, his tone icy. "She can answer for herself. You don't know when I was asking for anyway."

I raise my eyebrow, but once again, Edward answers him. "Well, we've had dinner every night this week. And until she decides otherwise, I plan on having dinner with her every night from here on out. So why don't you go find someone else to eye fuck and either start treating Bella with respect or get the hell away from her?" The venom in Edward's voice surprises me. I've never heard him with such a harsh tone. Or heard him curse.

Mike stomps off, muttering profanities and insults along the way. Edward comes up beside me and I stop the StairMaster, hopping off. He smiles sheepishly at me as I wipe down my face and neck.

"So what was that?" I ask finally, taking the bottle he offers me and drinking down half of it.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I don't know what came over me. I didn't mean to answer for you like that. I know its chauvinistic and presumptuous. I just didn't like the way he was looking at you, and earlier you seemed like you didn't like him. I just wanted him to leave you alone." He looks so worried that I'm pissed, I can't help but smile.

"Thank you, Edward. I really appreciate it. Maybe now he'll leave me alone." I nod him over toward the weight machines. "Now come on and let's lift some weights. And while we do, you can tell me where you're getting our dinner from tonight. You _did_ say you were getting it, after all."

He laughs and follows me. "I guess I did."

*****

MikePOV

Stupid, arrogant, pretty boy. Stupid, perfect 'I-just-rolled-out-of-bed' hair. Stupid muscles. Stupid "I plan on having dinner with here from now on."

Stupid.

Why can't Bella like me? We see each other practically every day. Or, I see her, anyway. So what if sometimes I just watch her. I mean, I'm not stalking her or anything.

Man, she's hot.

Are they dating? I didn't think she had a boyfriend. Maybe they're just friends. He's probably gay, anyway.

I mean, look at him. That perfect hair, that hard body, that face. He's got to be gay. Yeah, definitely gay. I'll ask her out again when she's here alone.

Stupid, gay, arrogant, pretty boy, prick. Stop cockblocking me.

* * *

**Silly, silly Mike.**

**Anyway, reviews are love, people. Show me some :)  
**


	7. Author's Note!

I'm sick guys, really sick. The doctor said it's not fatal, and apparently, there's nothing I can do but ride it out. He said it's one of the worst cases of writer's block he's ever seen.

Okay, so maybe I've been having fake conversations in my head with a hottie Doc Carlisle. Maybe I should go see super sexy psych Doc Whitlock. He might be more help since I'm having imaginary convos.

But I haven't forgotten my story! I hate that it's been over a week since I updated last. Truth is, I've written a seventh chapter about 4 times and each one is pure crap. And you guys don't deserve crap. So, don't worry, I am working on it. I'll have it up ASAIDS (as soon as it doesn't suck).

Oh, and I know how much I hate getting an author's note instead of an update, so I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY for doing it to you all. Please don't hunt me down and hurt me.

So hopefully I'll get a new chapter up soon.

Sorry again!

-seamonkey


	8. Chapter 7

**I've gotten over my terribly case of writer's block! But the doc warned me of possible relapse. LOL.**

**Anyway, so sorry for taking forever to get the new chapter out. Like I said, I had attempted to write it a couple times and it just didn't work well. I'm not entirely pleased with this chapter but I think it came out okay. I hope it was worth the wait. Big time therapy session.**

**And as usual, I don't own Twilight or any of it's characters and that makes me a sad panda.  
**

* * *

BPOV

"Hi Ms. Swan!"

"Hi Alice. I'm a little early again. I'll just grab a seat." I smile warmly at her and then plop down in one of the uncomfortable chairs. Why can't they ever put a nice sofa in the waiting areas of any place? Maybe I should donate my couch and get a new one. I wonder if they'd take it. At least patients would be comfortable while waiting then. Of course, I'd miss my couch. Edward might miss it, too. He always seem comfortable on it. Although, he seems comfortable everywhere in my apartment. Well, everywhere he's been so far. Which is everywhere but my bedroom. I wonder if he'd be comfortable in there as well.

"You seem in a really good mood today Ms. Swan. Have a good weekend?" Alice asks from her perch behind the receptionist desk.

I laugh a little. "Well, I didn't really do anything, but it was really nice. Thanks." A buzz on her desk keeps me from talking to her more.

"He's ready, head on back."

I make my way back to the office, knocking on the door. After the usual 'come in,' and offering of a drink, I take my place in the overstuffed chair opposite his desk.

Before he can ask any questions, I blurt out, "I think I really like Edward." My eyes widen a little and I blush. I hadn't really intended on telling him that.

He nods slowly. "You like him?"

Sighing, I nod, too. I guess I should just put it all out there. "Well, I mean, you know how we've been spending so much time together. And lately, we've been holding hands a lot and I really like it. He's a really sweet guy. We went to the gym on Saturday and he was so cute getting all overprotective of me when this creepy guy there was hitting on me. And I guess we're having dinner every night now. That's what he told Mike . . . that's the guy from the gym . . . and he seems to be making good on that." I can feel that I'm smiling like an idiot.

Okay, it feels good to say this to someone else. I've spent the last few days thinking about how I could see myself falling for Edward. He's so easy to be with, so comfortable to be around. It would be so easy to just be together.

I'd really like to see him be something more, which is almost terrifying. I've never felt like this for someone and after everything with James, I wasn't sure I'd ever feel this way.

"Have you thought about becoming more than just friends with him? He's been around for you for awhile."

It's all I've thought about for a couple days now. "I guess I have. I don't know if I'll be able to do that, though. I'm afraid that if I try to get into a relationship with him I could either ruin the friendship or just not be able to do any relationshipy things, you know? I mean, I've only just started holding his hand. I wouldn't want him to feel like I was afraid for him to touch me." And I'm not, but I worry about freaking out in the heat of the moment like I did the one other time I'd tried to be with a man.

"Are you afraid for him to touch you? He sounds like a perfect gentleman from the way you've described him." Dr. Whitlock taps his pen for a moment, then says, "Are you afraid you'll have to tell him what happened to you to be in a relationship?"

Terrified. Absolutely terrified. But at the same time, I've been wanting to tell him. Talking about it in therapy, in little doses like we have been, has been helping. And maybe then he'll get me. I hate feeling so distant from him, even when I'm sitting beside him, holding his hand.

"I kind of want to tell him. It's been helping me feel a little bit better about it since we've been talking about it. I think telling you in little doses helps. But at the same time, I just want to blurt out everything that happened, get it all out there. I think once I've told you everything, then maybe I could tell Edward." I chew my lip for a minute. "I'm still afraid though. It's not exactly something you want to tell the guy you like."

"Bella, more than being the guy you like, Edward is a friend to you. One of your only friends. He's never shied away from you. If anything, from what you've said, he's determined to be around for you as much as you need him."

Okay, he's right. Edward would probably carry me five miles through the snow, barefoot, if I told him I needed an ice cream cone during a blizzard. "You're right. He is there for me." I can't help but smile. I hadn't really thought of it like that. He _is_ there for me. "I'm really lucky to have him as a friend. Which is part of the reason I'm scared to tell him I like him. Like I said, I don't want to ruin the friendship."

"Well, before we even address that, let's get back to what happened to you. Like you said, once you get everything out in the open with me, maybe you'll feel more able to tell Edward what happened."

I glance at the clock. We have almost my full time left. I guess I should just get out everything I can. Nodding, I start.

_Flashback_

_It seems like we've been driving for hours. Other than James and Victoria occasionally talking to one another, it remained silent, though my sobs broke out every once in awhile. I tried hard to keep them quiet. I didn't want to give him any satisfaction of making me cry._

_During the ride, James kept reaching out and stroking a hand up my thigh. Each time, it made me tremble and squirm._

_Now, the sun is setting. I'm completely exhausted from crying and the stress of everything so far. I'm hungry. There's no way I'm telling them any of that though. I don't want them to get mad. Who knows what James will do to me? He might starve me or something. _

_The silence in the truck is interrupted again. This time, it's my stomach growling fiercely._

_Chuckling, James reaches over to palm my stomach. I clench it in as he says, "Hungry, are we? We'll have to get you some dinner. We simply can't let you go hungry."_

_I almost want to vomit at how friendly he sounds. How can he be kidnapping me, and acting like we were best friends, or something?_

_I shake my head. "I don't want anything," I whisper. I don't want to eat in front of him. I just want to go home._

_"Nonsense! Victoria, pull in somewhere and go get our new friend some dinner."_

_She nods and we continue in silence until she pulls into a parking lot at a fast food restaurant. She parks in the back of the lot, under a burnt out lamp and hops out of the truck without a word._

_James' arm around me slides off my shoulders and he turns his body to face mine. "We'll be there soon," he says, tracing his fingers along my thigh._

_I tremble under his touch. "Where are you taking me?"_

_He clicks his tongue in disapproval. "Now, you seem like a smart girl. You can't possibly think I'd tell you where we're going, could you?"_

_Knowing I should just shut up, I can't stop myself from asking, "If you didn't want to rape me, what are you going to do with me?"_

_"First of all," he says, bringing his hand up to play with a lock of my hair, "I never said I didn't want to rape you." I shudder and my eyes fill with tears again. "Secondly, you'll find out soon enough. Just know what it won't be pleasant."_

_His words sink in and I'm crying again - harder than before. I know my sobs are probably what he was going for, but at this point, I don't care. He's going to rape me - maybe even kill me. Why me? Why anyone? Why do people like James exist at all?_

_He turns to the front of the truck and ignores me then, but puts his arm back around my shoulders, like he can't help but touch me. I'm still sobbing when Victoria returns with a bag of food and a drink._

_She doesn't give me a second glance, passing the food back to James and driving away. He offers me the food but I can't stop crying enough to eat. He doesn't push it._

_End Flashback_

"Bella, try and calm down a little. I know this is hard. But he's not going to hurt you anymore. You know that. You're here with me. There's nothing here to hurt you. Take a deep breath, try and relax."

Dr. Whitlock is kneeling in front of me, holding tissues for me as I'm sobbing into my hands. I breathe deeply as he instructs and manage to get my crying under control. I clear my throat a few times and take the tissues he's offering. I blow my nose, embarrassed at losing control of my emotions again.

"I'm sorry. I'm okay now. I can keep talking."

"Are you sure?" he asks, moving back to his side of the desk.

"I'm sure." I clear my throat once again and continue telling him.

_Flashback_

_I guess, amazingly, I cried myself to sleep at some point. All I know is I don't remember how I got here in this little bed. My stomach clenches at the thought of James carrying me._

_I look around at the room I'm in. No windows. Only one door. Aside from the bed I'm in, there's a small table with two chairs, a small rug on the floor, and a standing lamp._

_I climb off the bed. My shoes are gone, but thankfully all my clothes are still here. I move to the door, quietly, and press my ear against it. I can't hear anything at all. Did they leave me alone? Or . . . I shudder to think . . . is the room soundproof? I hope not. They'd only need a soundproof room if I was going to be screaming._

_I try the door handle. Locked. Of course. Of course its locked!_

_I can feel myself start to cry again as I tug uselessly at the door. I don't even make the conscious choice to start banging on the door with my fists and screaming, but before I know it, my throat is on fire and my knuckles are bloody and throbbing._

_I fall to the floor, sobbing into my bloody hands. I'm going to die here. I'm going to die in this tiny room at the hands of a monster._

_I hardly glance up when the door opens. James. He steps in, closing the door behind himself._

_"Are you done?" he asks, kneeling in front of me. I can do nothing but nod. I can feel myself start to go numb inside. I'm going to die. It doesn't matter what he says anymore. "Good. Let's get you back in bed. Get those hands cleaned up."_

_I can feel him grab my arms and stand me up, walking me over to the bed. I can feel him push me down and start to dab at my hands. I vaguely hear him ask me if I want dinner now, but I can't answer. My brain is shutting down._

_He pushes me back again and I let him lay me back against the pillows. He covers me in the blanket and turns off the light. Leaving me alone in the dark room, I hear the lock click in the door._

_Then, there's nothing but blackness._

_I don't know if I slept. I don't know if I cried anymore. I have no idea how long I laid there in the dark. All I know is sometime later, the door opened, letting in a blinding slice of light. I turned my eyes to the door, but did not move. It would do me no good._

_Victoria steps into the room and turns on the lamp. She moves around without speaking. I watch her as she places a tray on the small table. I can smell food, but it doesn't appeal to me. Silently, she leaves the room, locking the door again behind her. _

_Some more time passes. I continue to stare at the ceiling. I try to think about my dad coming to find me. All I can see, though, is images of him finding my dead body - sometimes burned to almost ashes, sometimes hacked up, sometimes hanging from a noose. I know I'm going to die. I just don't know how._

_When the door opens again, my eyes flick over to see James standing there. I quickly avert my gaze back to the ceiling. I don't want to see him._

_"You didn't eat your breakfast," he admonishes me._

_I somehow find my voice, my throat on fire from not drinking or talking for so long. "I'm not hungry."_

_He walks over to me, standing close to the bed. I can see him in my peripheral vision. "You must eat, Bella." I shake my head slightly. "I won't have you starve to death. That's not fun for me."_

_I shudder slightly, but can't even bring myself to cry. I feel dead inside already. In a completely monotone voice, I say, "I'm sorry."_

_He's silent for a moment. "Fine," he finally says, "don't eat. Stand up and take your clothes off."_

_That gets a reaction rom me. My eyes widen. "What?" I choke out._

_"Stand up. Take your clothes off. Now," he commands. His eyes are fierce and once again, I'm trembling._

_"I-I can't," I whisper, frozen._

_"Either you do it, or I will. You don't want me to do it."_

_The tears are back as I climb slowly out of the bed._

_"Shirt, then jeans. Bra and panties last," he says._

_I close my eyes. This is going to happen no matter what. I don't want him t undress me. Without allowing myself to think about it anymore, I lift my shirt over my head, dropping it to the floor. I quickly unbutton my jeans, pushing them down and kicking them off._

_When I hesitate reaching back to open my bra, James growls, "Now!"_

_I sob out, reaching behind me for the clasp. I unhook it and let the bra fall away from my body. I quickly push my panties down and stand naked, sobbing, and trembling, my eyes clenched shut as if I can block him out._

_His footsteps and my sobs are the only sounds in the room. I can hear him circling me._

_"Very nice, Bella. Very nice, indeed." His fingers brush my shoulder and I flinch away. "You might as well get used to me touching you," he says. "I plan on doing a lot of touching."_

_When his hand cups one of my breasts, I pull back. But because my eyes are closed, I don't realize he's behind me and I end up pushed against his chest. His other hand quickly snaked around to my other breast, holding me to him._

_"Please stop!" I beg uselessly. I know he won't. I pathetically try to push his hands away._

_His hot breath against my ear as he whispers to me makes my stomach clench. "That's it. Try and struggle free. Your hot little body writhing against me just turns me on more." As if to prove his point, he pushes his hips forward and I can feel his obvious erection press against my back. I've never felt one before, but I'd have to be stupid to not know what it is._

_I drop my hands limply at my sides. "Why are you going this to me?" I whimper. My eyes are open again, but as I stare at the floor, I can't see anything through my tears._

_He squeezes my breasts a little and I wince. I'd always heard the other girls talking about how good it felt when the boys would touch their breasts. This just hurt. "Well, in my defense, you're the one who brought up rape. I'd hardly taken note of your body. Although, I suppose I would have eventually." He releases me and I take an instinctive step forward. "Now, be a good girl and eat your food. I'll be back in a half hour."_

_With that, he leaves me in the room alone, crying. I hear the lock turn in the door again. I snatch my clothes off the floor and nearly fall on my face twice struggling to pull my panties and pants back on. I quickly slip my bra and shirt back on and step over to the table. I'll have to eat to keep him from getting mad at me._

_Sitting down in one of the chairs, I try to dry my eyes with the back of my hand. On the tray is a waffle, disgustingly cold at this point, some cut up fruit, and some strips of bacon. I poke at the food for a minute. Would they poison it? Maybe that's how they're planning on killing me. Probably not, though. James said he didn't want me to starve. It's no fun for him if I starve. I shudder again and decide to just eat. If I die from poisoning, maybe it won't be so bad._

_I pop a piece of fruit in my mouth. I close my eyes and chew slowly. The pineapple is delicious. I haven't eaten in . . . I don't know how long. I have no idea how long I was passed out before. Who knows what time it is? I decide to just eat it all. I'm starving. _

_I'm chewing the last bit of cold waffle, not as disgusting when you're starving, when I hear the lock on the door opening. I almost choke on my food as I scramble to my feet and cower back against the corner of the room. James steps in, closing the door behind himself. He smiles when he sees my empty tray._

_"Good girl. I knew you had to be hungry." He eyes my clothes. "Although, I didn't tell you that you could get dressed again. Take them off. Now."_

_"Please," I beg. "Please don't make me."_

_He steps forward and I cry out and cower again. "Do it now, or I will throw you down, rip your clothes, and rape you right now."_

_I'm sobbing so hard that I'm not making any sounds as I struggle to pull my clothes off quickly. I manage to get tangled in my jeans and I fall over. On the floor I kick my feet until I'm free from them. Naked now, I push myself into the corner, drawing my knees up to my chest. James steps towards me and I cringe, but he simply collects my clothes from the floor and places them on the table by the empty tray._

_"Now, Bella," he says, taking a seat, "there are certain things I'm going to expect from you while you're here with me. Things you'll need to remember if you don't want me to kill you." He says it so matter-of-factly. "The first thing is that you're to eat whatever food you're given. You'll need to keep your strength so that I can play properly. Do you understand?" I nod my head. He smiles and pokes a finger at my clothes. "Second, you're only to be dressed when I allow it. You will not have access to clothes."_

_He stands up and comes to kneel in front of me. I stare, wide-eyed at him. "Lastly, you belong to me now. Whatever I want, you want. Whatever I say, you do. This doesn't have to be all pain. If you follow my instructions, there can be some pleasure involved as well. Do you understand?"_

_I don't even want to think about this. I belong to him. I'm a toy for him. He's going to use me for God-knows-what. I nod my understanding._

_"Good. Now, stand up, and stand beside the table. Arms at your sides."_

_I scramble to my feet, not wanting to make him mad. Maybe he won't hurt me today. I move to the side of the table, obediently keeping my hands at my sides. He comes up behind me and trails his fingertips over my shoulder blades. I hear a click behind me and then suddenly, there's pain. I cry out and jerk forward._

_His hand closes tightly around my bicep, holding me still. "Don't move, Bella."_

_I struggle to remain still as I feel something drip down my back from my shoulder blade. That's when I realize what happened. He cut me. I'm bleeding down my back. I can feel him smearing the dripping blood around my back, trailing his fingers through it._

_"Beautiful," he whispers, then he presses his lips to my shoulder, above where he's cut me. I cry quietly, wanting this to be over, as his tongue traces up my neck. "You're blood is beautiful, Bella. Don't worry. This is all for today."_

_He steps around me and I can see the red on his fingers. He gathers my clothes and the tray from the table. "Victoria will bring you dinner later. You will eat it. Do you understand?"_

_"Yes," I whisper._

_"Good girl. I'll be back tomorrow."_

_With that, he leaves the room, the sound of the lock muffled by my sobs as I collapse to the floor._

_End Flashback_

"He cut you, Bella?" Dr. Whitlock asks, his voice a little strained. He's normally so good at hiding any emotions.

"That was the first time. It became more frequent after that first day. Over and over. On my back, my stomach, my chest, my thighs, a little on my arms. He liked to play with my blood. He always drew on my body with it. I even saw him lick it off his fingers a couple times. It disgusted me. But after awhile, it was like it wasn't me it was happening to. When he would come in, I would just go numb. I didn't cry when he cut me, I couldn't feel it anymore. I didn't notice him playing with my blood until he was gone. Victoria always came in later and cleaned me up. She made sure I never got infected. I think it was just so James wouldn't have to stop."

He doesn't say anything for a minute and I look up at him. His expression is pained, like he can feel how saddened and hurt I am. He takes a deep breath and then fixes his expression to not show his emotion.

"These are the scars you've told me that you're afraid to let anyone see?" he asks.

"Yes. I feel so ugly covered in the scars. It's bad enough to see them, but you can feel them, too. Some are really raised from where he went over the same spots more than once." I shudder, thinking back to his glee at the first signs of scarring. "The scars excited him." I surprise myself with a yawn. Blushing, I say, "I'm sorry Dr. Whitlock. I always get tired when I have an emotional day." I glance at the clock. "It's time for me to go anyway."

He nods. "Are you okay, Bella? I know bringing this up in your memories can be stressful. You have my number in case you need to talk to me, right?"

"Yes. I think I'm okay, though. It does hurt to think about it, and its hard to tell you, but it feels good to get it out in the open, too. Like a weight is being lifted off me a little at a time."

He gives me a small smile. "That's the idea. Well, just remember, I'm available if you need me before our Friday session. I hope you have a good week, Bella."

Standing, I say, "Thank you. You too, Dr. Whitlock."

* * *

**As bad as it was for Bella, it got worse. You'll see in upcoming therapy sessions as her story unfolds more. Sorry for the slow progression. I know you're probably anxious for her and Edward to be all lovey and couply, but it's going to be a little while. She's only just started to realize she likes him and she's scared. **

**So, let me know what you thought! I love each and every review I get. They make me do a little happy dance in my mind.**

**And hopefully, the next update won't take so long.  
**


	9. Chapter 8

**Wait, what's this? An update? But that's impossible! Because I've obviously dropped off the face of the Earth, right? I mean, why else would it have taken me so long to get out a new chapter?**

**Oh, that's right. My life has been getting in the way. School work, school work, school work. House work, house work, house work. It's all I ever do anymore. **

**But I haven't forgotten this. And hopefully things are going to slow down a little so that I can write a little more often. I'd like to get into posting at least once a week, if not more often. I'll work on it. I really will. **

**Anyway, I'll quit boring you with my excuses and let you get on reading.**

**I don't own anything, Smeyer does and I'm totally jealous.**

**Oh! One more thing, I got the DVD! 3 disc for $18 at Target. HOORAY! It's been fabulous and I've watched it like 10 times since I got it. Oh Rob, you make a delicious Edward.**

**Anyway, onward with the story!  
**

* * *

EPOV

All day at work, all I could think about was getting home to Bella. Seeing her smile when she opened the door to me and our take out. Since we've started eating together every night, she insists on cooking most nights, but I still plan on getting us take out on the nights she has therapy. I may not know why she goes, but I figure whatever the reason, she could use a break afterwards. I doubt she'll complain about this.

As much as I hate him for always leering at her and making her uncomfortable, I have to secretly thank that guy Mike from the gym. If he hadn't been such a creep, I wouldn't have been ballsy enough to say something about having dinner with Bella every night. And I'm so glad she didn't find it creepy that I was being all possessive. It's not that I feel like she belongs to me or anything, but I want her to know I'll protect her if she needs it.

Now the only thing stopping me from being in he presence is the guy taking forever to get our pizza ready.

I swear, I've never seen someone make a pizza any slower than this guy. Just throw the topping on there and get it in the oven! I've got a beautiful girl waiting for me at home!

I'm sitting, tapping my foot when my phone beeps with a text. I glance at the screen and my heart jumps. _Bella!_

_Tired tonight. Pick something up for dinner? –Bella_

I resist the urge to jump around and squee like a little girl. This is the first time she's ever texted me! She's had my number forever, and it may only be about dinner, but she's texting me! God, I'm such a girl.

I quickly send a reply.

_Waiting on pizza now. Should be there in 20 ;) –Edward_

I sigh happily and the pizza guy gives me a funny glance. I simply shrug, ignoring his staring at my weird smile.

_You're a doll. See you then. –B_

I slip the phone into my pocket. Never has there been someone so perfect as beautiful Bella Swan.

*****

BPOV

I'm surprised I didn't just come home and pass out after therapy today. I know getting sleepy is my body's way of ignoring all the stressful things around me, and today was definitely stressful.

I knew I'd have to tell Dr. Whitlock about the cutting. I mean, it is why James took me in the first place. I didn't think it would be so easy to tell him. Okay, so not really easy, per say. It didn't take a lot of convincing for me to tell him about it, though.

I'd nearly had a mental breakdown when I had to relay all this information to the police after James. But there's a huge difference between them and Dr. Whitlock. He's so calm; his voice is so soothing with its slight southern drawl. Everything about the man makes you want to spill your life story. With the police, they'd been all business. It was obvious they didn't really care what I had to say. They saw what they saw and the rest was merely a formality.

But, even though it was really emotionally draining to tell all this to Dr. Whitlock, I also felt somewhat rejuvenated afterwards. He was taking away the bad. He really was a good man.

I feel my phone buzz in my pocket and pull it out. I smile at Edward's reply to my text a minute ago. I had decided I was too tired to cook and wanted him to get us take out. I'd love to have it every night, but I know I'd be too big to even leave the apartment after awhile. And somehow, he knew I wanted take out before I even told him. I swear, we couldn't be more in sync with one another if we tried.

A quick message back, _You're a doll. See you then, _and I jump up to change out of my work clothes. I hate wearing these giant floppy sweats every night. But I just can't let Edward see my scars. Not now, not yet. Maybe one day. I mean, I doubt he'd ever want to date me or anything after he saw them, but he seems like the kind of guy who wouldn't let something like that bother our friendship. Then maybe I could wear some tshirts or even a tank top around him. It would be so much more comfortable.

I start to putt around my apartment, cleaning up a little while waiting for Edward. I just know if I allow myself to sit in the quiet, I'll fall asleep before he even gets here. Wouldn't want that.

I'm practically elbow-deep in dish water when I hear the knock on the door. I quickly dry my hands and make my way over to the door. When I peek through the peep hole, I'm surprised to see not Edward, but Josh's friend, Alex. I curiously open the door.

"Hi Bella," he says, giving me a warm smile.

I smile in return. "Hey Alex. I thought you'd headed out already? Decide to stay a few more days?" I lean against the door frame.

"Yeah, I never get to see Josh anymore, so I wanted to make the most of the trip. I'm leaving now though. I really just wanted to say goodbye and that it was really nice to meet you. I know we didn't really get to know each other, but I've heard so many things about you, I feel like I know you."

I can't help but laugh. "I really had no idea Josh spoke about me so much."

He smiles at that. "Not Josh, hun, Edward. He talks about you constantly."

Edward talks about me? I had no idea. "What does he say about me?" I ask, curiously.

"Well, I don't know that it's really my place to say. It's only good things, though, don't worry." He leans in a little. "To be quite honest, I think he's got a major crush on you, but you didn't hear it from me, okay?" he says with a wink.

Wait, what? A crush on me? No way. "You must be mistaken. We're just good friends. He's not interested in me that way." No matter how badly I want him to be.

"Well, just remember Bella, sometimes the person you didn't know you were looking for has been there all along." He gives me another smile and offers me his hand. "I've got to get going if I'm going to make my flight." I quickly shake his hand and withdraw my own from his grasp. "I hope we see each other again in the future."

"Yeah. Yeah, it was very nice meeting you Alex. Take care. Have a nice flight."

As he walks down the hall to the elevator, I can't help but wonder what the hell he was talking about. Edward can't possibly have a crush on me. Could he? I mean, sure I've got one on him, but that's just to be expected. He's gorgeous.

Alex gives me one last wave as the elevator doors slide open. He steps to the side and Edward steps out, holding a pizza box. They exchange a quick man hug and Alex steps into the elevator and leaves. Quickly making his way down the hall to me, Edward gives me a smile.

"Too eager to wait for me inside?" he asks jokingly.

"Ha ha. I was just saying goodbye to Alex." I step back and gesture for him to come in. I follow him back inside, shutting the door behind me and locking it. "He's a really nice guy. Maybe next time he's in town, we can all have dinner together. I'd like to talk to him a little more."

"Oh, I see how it is, using me to get to the roommate's hot friend?" He laughs, grabbing a couple plates and beers from the kitchen. As we settle into our spots at the coffee table, I roll my eyes at him.

"_Anyway,_ he seems nice. And this looks fabulous. How'd you know I'd need take out tonight?" I grab a slice and bite the end off, savoring the cheesy gooeyness.

He shrugs, opening the beers. "I just thought since you had therapy today, you might not want to cook. And since I don't really know how to cook anything besides macaroni and cheese from a box, I thought pizza would be a good idea."

Always looking out for me. _Swoon._ "You really are too good for me, Cullen. Thanks for being so understanding about my therapy and everything. And for not pushing me about telling you about it. I really appreciate it," I say, then quickly take a long swallow of beer. I've been wanting to tell him. I'm going to one day. If he wants to know, that is.

He watches me for a second, then smiles that crooked smile that I can't help but smile back at. "You know I'd never push you to tell me. I always just figured if you wanted me to know, you'd tell me. I'd gladly listen." He shrugs again and starts eating his pizza.

I'm left to mill about in my own mind for a little while, while we eat in silence. He's always saying that. That he'd listen to me if I wanted to tell him why I was in therapy. And I don't doubt him at all. But I worry about it still. I shouldn't. He's a good guy. He wouldn't judge me. There's nothing to judge really. It's not like I got kidnapped on purpose. Dr. Whitlock has tried very hard to make me realize that it wasn't my fault. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Maybe I could tell him a little bit. Not about the cutting or anything else. But just that I was kidnapped. I mean, that's a start. He'll understand a little more about me and then maybe he can understand why I'm so freaked out about going out and everything.

That's it. I'm going to tell him.

Right now.

Or . . . maybe in a little while.

Definitely tonight. Probably.

"I was kidnapped."

Shit! Shit, shit, shit. Why can't I control my damn mouth?!

Edward chokes on his mouthful of food. Finally managing to swallow, he chokes out, "What was that?"

I sigh. I have to tell him now. Damn my big mouth. Damn it all.

"I'm in therapy because I was kidnapped." I look down, refusing to meet his eyes. "It was a long time ago. I was thirteen. But yeah, that's why I'm in therapy."

He's silent for a long time. Minutes, hours . . . feels like days of silence stretch on before he whispers, "Bella?"

I can't look at him. Not when he sounds like that. He sounds broken. He sounds hurt. I can't believe I opened my mouth and did that to him. I can't believe I hurt him. He's been so good to me. Better than anyone. And I made him sound like that. I can feel the tears prickling in my eyes when he reaches over the table and takes my hand in his. He squeezes it.

"Bella, I'm so sorry that happened to you." He pauses when I still don't look up. I know he wants to see my eyes. But I can't look at him. Not when I've pushed my pain onto him, even in such a small amount. "Please look at me Bella."

I swallow hard and shake my head. "I can't," I whisper. "I didn't mean to make you upset or anything. I just wanted to tell you. I wanted you to understand me more. Why I'm so messed up."

"Bella!" he says harshly. I cringe. His voice is softer as he continues. "Bella, you're not messed up. How can you even think that about yourself?"

I finally look up, incredulous. "I'm not messed up? Seriously? I can barely leave my apartment. I go to work, the gym, the grocery store, and I'm back here. I don't have any friends other than you. I'm afraid of everyone. I don't have any normal relationships. I can't see my dad anymore because all I see in his eyes is pity. It's been eight fucking years and he looks at me like it happened last week!"

The tears that had been forming start to fall freely now. "I had to move to the other side of the fucking country to get away from those looks from people and I was doing so much better. So much better after I learned how to cope. It took me a couple years but I got to where I didn't see his face everywhere I looked, I didn't think he was right behind me, ready to grab me again." I realize that I'm squeezing his hand tight enough that mine is starting to hurt. I loosen my grip a little, and lift his hand and mine.

"This? This is the most contact I've had with anyone since it happened. Well, pretty much. I freaked out on a guy on a date one night when I was eighteen and since then, this is it. How can you not see how messed up I am?" I drop my head again crying. This is it. This is the point where he's going to leave and not talk to me anymore. We'll have awkward meetings in the hall full of a crushing silence. We'll adjust our schedules so we don't accidently ride the elevator together. He'll stop coming over for dinner and I'll go back to being as alone as I was before.

He surprises me by climbing up on the couch beside me, never letting go of my hand. "Bella, there is nothing wrong with you. You are an incredible person. You're beautiful and kind. You've got the best sense of humor I've ever encountered. You're incredibly intelligent. You're quirky. I love everything about you. I'm here every night because I can't imagine not being here." He takes my other hand in his and rests them between us on the couch.

He sighs. "What happened to you was . . . awful. I know I don't know everything, and that's okay. You don't have to tell me anything you're uncomfortable telling me. But what happened was definitely not your fault. You were a kid. I'm so, so sorry that you went through that. I can't even imagine how scary it must have been." He closes his eyes for a moment, then sighs again and opens them. He looks so sad. "God, I wish I could just hold you and take away all the bad, Bella. You deserve nothing but happiness."

I pull my hands from him. He has no idea how badly I want that too. Could I have it? Could I let him hold me and make everything alright?

"Edward, I want to try something," I say quietly. He nods, confused. "Try and stay still, okay? Just . . . stay still." He nods again.

I can do this. Edward will never hurt me. He hasn't run screaming from me. He wants to make me feel better. I can let him do that.

I turn and let my feet fall to the floor, freeing up more space between us by moving my knees to the side. I scoot over a little. Then a little more. He watches me curiously, scooting a little bit at a time until I'm right beside him. I close my eyes briefly and take a deep breath. I can do this. It's Edward. He's my friend. He's good to me. He wants to make me happy.

I cautiously lift my arms and place my hands on his shoulders. He remains perfectly still. We lock eyes and I can see nothing but kindness in his. I release my lower lip from my teeth – how long had I been chewing on it? With my hands on his shoulders, I slide them slowly around to his upper back, pulling myself forward to him slowly. I let my arms encircle him and finally let myself lean into him.

I sigh with relief. This is good. This is really good. I feel him relax a little, but he still doesn't move, waiting for me. I turn my head slightly and lay it on his shoulder, my mouth near his ear. "I want you to hug me back, please," I say softly.

Edward shivers slightly as I whisper to him, then very slowly, very cautiously moves his arms around my torso. I stiffen slightly as he wraps his arms around me, but then relax as I feel his warmth seep into me. He doesn't squeeze me, or pat me on the back. He just lightly holds me.

And it's better than I could have ever imagined.

My heart is racing and I'm sure he can feel it against his own chest, but it's not from fear like whenever anyone else touches me. No, it's excitement.

I'm letting him hold me and I'm not freaking out. "Thank you," I breathe into his ear.

"I've wanted to do this for two years Bella. Thank _you_." We relax into each other, simply leaning together, holding one another, not saying anything for a long time.

This is exactly what I need. One step at a time. I'm going to tell him everything. I'm going to tell him everything that James did. And then I'm going to tell him how much I like him. Hopefully, he will feel at least a little bit the same way.

"Thank you," I whisper again.

* * *

**So everyone makes a big huge deal out of the first kiss - sparks, electricity, raging hormones and all that. But for my Bella nd Edward, the first hug is MONUMENTAL. Seriously. **

**So give me some sweet reviews for a super awesome first hug scene. Hugs don't get enough play in most fanfic.  
**


	10. Chapter 9

**2 weeks since last update? Deplorable, I know. I suck, no excuses. I won't waste your time with them. Here's you go.**

**Not mine, Smeyer owns all.  
**

* * *

BPOV

"Hey, Bells, have lunch with me."

I glance up at Emmett. His grin tells me I should be suspicious of him, but I sigh and nod anyway. I've got to eat, might as well have a little company while I do it.

After saving the file I was working on, I grab my purse and follow Emmett to the elevator.

"So . . ." he starts, letting it trail off. He's obviously wanting something from me. What, I have no idea.

"What Emmett? What can I do for you today?" I ask him as we step into the elevator. He presses the button for the 3rd floor, the cafeteria.

"Alright, so don't get mad, okay?"

I groan and close my eyes. "Em, nothing good, in the history of all things ever said, has ever followed those words."

He laughs, but then turns serious. "Okay, well, here's the thing. You've heard me talk about my mom a lot, right? How she's been hoping I'd settle down for a long time?" I nod for him to continue as we exit the elevator. "So my girl and I broke up." He rolls his eyes at my raised eyebrow. "Don't ask. Anyway, we've got this big family dinner coming up soon and I'm going to go visit her and when I agreed to go, I was dating someone, but now I'm not and last night on the phone, Mom was asking me about my date, and I panicked and said I was definitely still bringing someone. I just know she was waiting for me to tell her I was single again!"

I realize what he's getting at. "No. Absolutely not, Emmett. I will not be your pretend girlfriend."

"Bella, please? Please, please, please?"

I make the mistake of looking up at him. God, those stupid puppy dog eyes! I can feel my resolve crumble a little, but I grasp at the broken pieces. "Em, you know I can't. I just can't. I would but the last thing you need is some chick freaking out at your parents house with all your family around. Besides, I'm not feisty or pretty enough to convince them."

He scoffs. "Oh shut it, Bells. You know you're gorgeous."

"And besides," I continue, ignoring his comment, "I'm sure your mom knows you have a thing for supermodel looking blonds, not plain, run-of-the-mill brunettes." Mentioning model-like blonds reminds me of someone, though. "Hey, actually, I might know someone you could take."

"I don't know Bells." He leads me through the cafeteria, plucking item after item and loading it into a tray. I grab a pre-made salad and a Coke, shaking my head at his tray of food. "I mean, I don't know if I need a real date, you know? I don't think there's a woman out there that can handle me." He pays for my food before I can stop him and ignores my glare. "I'm a lot of man, Bella. With a lot of personality. I'm too . . . abrasive? I don't know. Every girl who I've dated said I have no filter from my brain to my mouth and they're right. I just say whatever. I figure if they like me, they can take it, right? Wrong. Chicks don't like that."

I let him lead us to a table far from everyone else and we sit down. "Well, I can at least talk to her maybe. She's a nice girl, but she's been only dating assholes it seems. I'll admit, I don't know her that well, but from what I do know, she might be able to handle you." Then I add, "Plus, she's absolutely gorgeous. Tall, blond, perfect body. You know I don't go for women, but if I had the slightest inkling of lesbianism in me, I'd be drenched every time I saw her." I smugly watch the rush of emotions over Emmett's face.

First, his jaw drops. Then he stammers for a moment. Next, his mouth opens and closes without any sound coming out. All the while, his eyes blaze at me like he might want to devour me and this woman he's never seen, along with his food.

Finally, he shifts in his seat, obviously adjusting himself and I giggle. "Christ Bells, warn a guy before you go saying something so damn sexy." He pretends to think about his decision for a minute, while shoving french fries in his mouth and chewing loudly, to spite me. He knows that annoys me. And I know he's already made up his mind. "Fine, I would love to take out this super hot chick you want you jump, whether you'll admit it or not."

I smile. I don't know why, but I have a feeling he'll be perfect for Rose and vice versa. "I'll try and talk to her tonight. When do you need to know by?"

"Next weekend."

"I'll let you know."

We eat in silence for awhile. Emmett and Rose. I can see it. Two very attractive people. From what I know about Rose, she can probably handle a guy like Emmett. He's a good guy, too. Maybe this'll keep her from jumping around from guy to guy. And maybe he'll quit asking me to go do things with him after work. Or, he'll want to hang out more. God, I hope he doesn't think because I know her, it's an invitation to try and get us out to dinner together.

"Hey Em. You know that just because I know Rose, if things really work out between you two, I don't plan on going out with you, right? I mean, I'm still going to be my normal stay-at-home self."

"Or," he says, grinning, "we can double! Me and Rose, you and Ed! It'll be perfect."

Rolling my eyes at him, I shake my head. "First of all, we're not dating. Second of all, no. I'm not going to double date with you. You draw attention. Even when you don't mean to, you're always the center of attention. I can't possibly be expected to go out in public with you, to a restaurant, and have everyone in there staring at us. I would freak out and you know it."

"Bells, you know I won't force you to go out. I wish you would though." I start to remind him I'm a freak about being in public and he stops me. "I know, I know." He looks thoughtful for a moment, and then his grin in back in place. "I'm proud of you, though, you know?"

What is he talking about now? "Proud of me for what?"

"You know, for making a friend and stuff. I was a little miffed when you said you had a secret friend, but I'm glad you made a friend anyway. And if you say he's a good guy, I'll trust your judgment. You don't like anyone but me, so I know you have good taste," he says with a wink.

I can't help but smile at him. He may be egotistical, but he's got such a good heart. "Thanks Em. I'm pretty proud of me, too, actually. I really thought I'd never be able to have any kind of relationship for the longest time, even friendship." I reach out and snatch a fry off his tray, earning a glare. "Can I tell you something without you freaking out?"

"I can absolutely not promise that. Tell me anyway."

I should tell him. I mean, if I somehow ever get the guts to tell Edward that I like him, and he's smart enough to tell me to fuck off, I'm going to need someone to console me. I know this. And Emmett is perfect for that. He's a giant freaking teddy bear. With a heart of gold. Who would beat the shit out of anyone I wanted him to.

I lean in a little. "I like Edward."

He raises an eyebrow at me. "Yeah, I know. You eat with him every night. And you hang out with him. And you kept him a secret from me. He seemed like an okay guy."

Okay, I don't think he gets it. "No, I mean . . . I _like_ him."

I watch as my meaning dawns on him. "Oh. Oh! You LIKE him!" Then his expression becomes suspiciously blank. "Have you told him?"

"God no. Look, I'm not stupid. I know he'd never want a relationship with me. It's nice being his friend. I don't want to ruin that."

His expression relaxes a little. "You are stupid. Any guy would be lucky to be in a relationship with you. I don't know though. I mean, I don't know the guy. He could be a total creep. I don't want you to go out with him."

Okay, what? A second ago, he was telling me that Edward was an okay guy. "What the hell, Em? One minute, he sounds like an okay guy and the next, he's a creep? Just because I might want to date him?"

He leans over towards me. "That's not . . . exactly what I meant. Look," he says with a sigh, "I just want what's best for you." He leans in closer and starts talking in barely above a whisper. "Bella, you were kidnapped and abused by someone who could have been the most normal person ever. It could have been someone you'd known your whole life. Luckily, it wasn't. But still. You don't know who you can trust. How much do you really know about this guy? Who's to say he doesn't have a history of abusing women? Maybe he's some child molester. You don't know him."

"And how do I know you're not a child molester?" I ask him, a little too loudly apparently. The tables near us stop talking and turn to stare at Emmett. I manage a laugh that sounds pathetically fake even to me and a smile at them as they slowly return to their conversations. "I'm sorry Emmett, but I don't get what the big deal is anyway. He's a nice guy who has become a good friend and it's never going to be more than that. So stop freaking out."

I stand up and grab my half-finished lunch. "If you're so worried, maybe you should spend some time getting to know him. I'm not going to stop hanging out with him unless he wants me to. I need him, Emmett. Without him, I don't have anyone but you. And you know I love you like a brother, but that's just not enough for me." I walk away then, dumping my lunch in a trash can and quickly making my way to the elevators. I can feel the tears burning in my eyes, threatening to fall over as I press the button to return to my floor.

Why did he have to say those things? It's true that I don't know everything there is to know about Edward, but I know a lot. I've had a couple years to get to know him. I trust him. And he's my friend. I thought Emmett could understand that.

I had no idea he wouldn't approve of me wanting to date Edward. I mean, he's the one always telling me I need to get to know more people, do more things outside the apartment, get back into the real world. Well, in the real world, people date. It would be one of the more normal things I'd done in years if I were to actually go on a date. I mean, I'm twenty-one years old. I shouldn't already be an old-maid, right?

I feel him behind me before he says anything and I reach out and press the button for the elevator again, willing it to hurry up. I don't want him to see me cry over a stupid argument.

"Bells, I'm really sorry," he says quietly. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"I know, Emmett. Just drop it, okay?" I continue to stare straight ahead at the dull metal doors in front of me.

He steps around my side but I refuse to look at him. "I just worry, you know? I never had a little sister and I really see you as one and it makes me hurt to know what happened to you. I don't ever want anything like that to happen again." He bends down a little so he's level with me. "I love you, you know? I don't want anything to ever hurt you."

That pushes me over the edge and I can't stop the tears from falling, so instead I close my eyes. "I know, Em. I know. I just want to be normal. I can't spend my whole life alone," I say through my quiet sobs. Emmett knows better than to try and hold me, so he places a gentle hand on my arm. "I just want to be normal," I say again. My best friend and would-be brother can't even comfort me properly. I'm such a freak.

As the elevators open, he ushers me inside and we silently make our way back to our floor. When the doors open again, we both step out and he stops me from going to my cubicle.

"Bells, I'm going to talk to Esme. I think we should get out of here and talk some more."

I shake my head. "No, that's okay. I'd rather stay and work. I'm not mad at you Emmett. I'm mad at the whole situation." I give him a small smile. "I'm sorry for calling you a child molester in front of everyone. And sorry for crying."

"Hey, if calling me a child molester is what it takes to get you happy, I'll take out a bus ad." I actually laugh at that. Okay, he's funny, and I can tell he's sorry. "Okay, though. And, I don't know if you were serious about me getting to know Ed, but I'd like to. If you say he's a good guy, I believe you, but I'd feel better checking him out myself."

I nod. I can understand that. He's going to be over protective no matter what. "I'll talk to him and see if he wouldn't mind. Maybe you can join us for dinner one night. Oh, and if you're going to talk to him, call him Edward, not Ed. He hates that."

He smirks a little. That ass is going to make sure he always calls him Ed. "I'll keep that in mind. Anyway, get back to work, slacker." He walks off, muttering loudly, "Keeping me from doing my work, talking about boys."

I chuckle as I make my way back to my cubicle. Dinner with Edward and Emmett. This could be disastrous. Maybe Edward will refuse.

*****

BPOV

I open the oven door and the smell of rosemary washes over me. The rosemary and garlic roast chicken is almost done, the potatoes are mashed, and the asparagus is being blanched. Edward is leaned against the counter asking me questions about Emmett and sipping a beer nervously.

"But why does he want to hang out with me?" he asks.

Because I told him I want to date you. "Because he wants to know who I'm spending all my time with." I remove the asparagus from the water and dunk it into and ice bath, then set it aside to drain for a moment.

"He's going to kill me, Bella. You can't leave me alone with him." He sounds serious, so I glance over at him. He looks terrified.

I can't help but laugh. "Why would he kill you?"

"Because he's big and he can. And he knows that I . . . I don't know." He stops himself from saying something.

"He knows you what?"

Silence fills the room as I drizzle a little olive oil over the asparagus and toss it to coat.

I turn to look at him. "He knows you what, Edward?"

He sighs and looks down. He mumbles something so quietly I can't hear him.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Please, let's just drop it."

I eye him for a minute, then shrug. Whatever it is, he doesn't want to tell me. I can live with that. I'm keeping secrets from him, after all.

"Fine. But I really want you two to hang out a little. I'll be here, too. He's just worried about me, you know? He wants to makes sure you're not a molester or something," I say with a laugh.

He laughs nervously again. "Well, if it's what you want, then I can't say no. Just promise me you'll stay the whole time. I don't want to give him the chance to kill me if he decides I'm not good enough to be your friend."

I shake my head at him. He's being completely ridiculous. "It'll be fine. Now gather plates and such, the chicken just needs to rest a few minutes," I say as I pull it from the oven.

I watch him move comfortably around my kitchen. When he catches me watching him, he flashes me his signature crooked grin and I melt a little inside. Emmett must be insane if he thinks Edward is anything but a gentleman and a great guy. He just has to get to know him a little. Even if Edward is worried, it'll be fine. Emmett knows I'd never forgive him for ruining my friendship with him. He won't risk it.

"You really shouldn't be worried about hanging out with Emmett. I know he comes off as a little menacing, but he's not, really. He's a teddy bear."

He sighs. "I just worry since he's one of your good friends and-"

"My only other friend," I interject with a wry smile.

"Well, yeah, exactly. I don't want to piss off the only other person you like. It might make things awkward and I don't want to do that to you. I don't want to do anything that's going to hurt you in any way."

I smile warmly at him then. Stepping forward and placing my hand on his forearm, I give him a gentle squeeze. "That's exactly what Emmett wants. Don't worry. I know he'll see you're a good guy." I turn away from him and grab a knife from the counter. "Now, would you mind slicing the chicken? I'll plate up the rest."

*****

EPOV

Dinner with Bella and Emmett. It's going to be interesting. I hope she's right. I don't want to piss him off. While I am worried about bodily harm being inflicted upon myself, I really just don't want her to be upset if we don't get along. I hope it'll be just like this, but with one more person.

I glance away from the movie I've not paid an ounce of attention to, back over to Bella, watching her scoop a forkful of mashed potatoes into her mouth and I can't help but smile. I'm so glad she's not one of those girls who won't eat anything other than lettuce when people are around. I'm glad she's comfortable around me.

It's going to be so hard to get through dinner with both of them. Bella may not notice or think anything about me constantly watching her, but I know Emmett will take note. And I think he's already got a good idea that I like her. If he doesn't, he will after spending ten minutes with me and her in the same room. I'm going to have to attempt to reign in my ogling.

Maybe this could be a good thing, though. I mean, I've been wanting to tell her how I feel. Emmett probably knows her pretty well. Maybe I can find a way to let him know that I have no intention of doing anything to ever hurt her. That I love her. Want to be with her forever. If he knows what Bella went through, he can maybe give me some pointers of things to avoid doing while I'm with her. The last thing I want to do is freak her out by doing something stupid.

"Edward?"

God I love when she says my name. "Yes, Bella?"

She turns to me and raises an eyebrow. "You've been staring at me for five minutes. Is there something I can do for you?" She giggles and I blush. I swear, I don't think I'd ever blushed until I met her.

I glance back down at my empty plate. "Sorry. No. I was just zoned out, thinking."

Plaing her empty plate on the coffee table, she leans back and then pats the couch beside her, wanting me to join her. I waste no time in doing so. "What are you thinking about so hard?" she asks, taking my hand in hers.

I smile at that. It's become such a comfortable gesture between us, it's almost like she doesn't notice. I twine my fingers between hers and run my thumb over her knuckles, tracing patterns.

"Nothing important. Thinking about hanging out with Emmett," I say. Mostly true.

"It really will be okay." She laughs and says, "Don't worry, I'll protect you if he decides to beat you up."

I feign a hurt expression. "You think I couldn't hold my own against him? Gee, thanks Bella. And letting a girl fight my battles is a sure way to win his respect."

"Hey! I may be a girl, but I can still kick ass." She jokingly punches my knee with her free hand and I pretend to recoil in pain.

"Easy tiger! Fine! I'll let you fight my battles for me."

We laugh again for a moment and then settle down and resume watching the movie. I don't know about her, but I have no idea what this movie is about. Oh well. I can focus completely on the feel of beautiful Bella's hand clasped in mine. Which is slowly tightening around mine. Okay, definitely tightening. Is she trying to crush my fingers?

I glance over and her brow is furrowed and she's gnawing viciously at her lower lip. All the while clutching my hand in a death grip.

"Bella?"

"I want to tell you so many things Edward. I'm so afraid you're going to run away when I do, though." She never looks away from the TV as she says this.

Like running away is even an option. I'd sooner die than leave her. "I've told you, I'm not going to leave. I love being here, and spending time with you. You can tell me anything and it won't change how I see you." Because I love you more than life itself and nothing will ever change that.

"I'm still working on tell my therapist what happened to me when I was kidnapped," she says after a moment. "He thinks that telling him a little at a time is the best way to go so that I don't bring up too many painful memories at one time." She closes her eyes for a second and then opens them, looking over to me. There are tears in her eyes. "But the memories are all there. Every single one. They come to me unbidden. I've started having the dreams again and I know its because I've been talking about it."

A single tear breaks past her lashes and trails down her face, making my heart thud painfully in my chest.

"But it does seem to be helping. Every time I tell him more, I feel better, lighter. And it's not as scary as it once was." She nods to herself and chews her lips again. Then she says, "I feel like he understands me more as he finds out what happened and I want that with you, too. I want you to understand why I am like I am, to know why I act like I do." She squeezes my hand even tighter. "To understand why I'm afraid to have people touch me."

God, this poor girl has been hurt so bad and she feels like no one gets her. I'll do anything to understand you Bella. "You can tell me anything at all. I'll listen to it all. Like I've said, I can't offer any help or advice but I'll listen to every single word you have to say. You can come to me any time, day or night."

She nods again. Looking down, she says quietly, "I want to tell you what I've told him so far. Is that okay? I want to tell you what he knows and then when I have my sessions, I want to tell you a little more. Can we do that?"

"Of course Bella!" I duck my head down so I can look her in the eyes. "I want to know everything about you and I feel honored that you want to tell me."

She smiles then, almost shyly. "I can't think of anyone else I want to know me more than you."

*****

BPOV

I take a deep breath and raise my chin. "I know it's a little late, but can we do it right now? I don't want to lose my resolve on this."

He nods. "Absolutely. We can take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere."

You can do this Bella. You can tell him. It's now or never. Tell him.

"Okay, well, like I said, it started when I was thirteen, at the mall . . ."

*****

**[adding some extra EPOV for making you wait so long]**

EPOV

I was so angry, I almost couldn't breathe. Every single muscle in my body was tensed and I was trembling with the need to hit something, to thrash the room, anything to get out my anger at what had been done to this absolutely innocent, beautiful, kind girl. She did not deserve this.

I can't believe he touched her! Locked her away! CUT HER!

When she got to the end of what she was planning on telling me tonight, about how he started cutting her, over and over, playing with her blood, I nearly lost it. When she raised her sweatshirt to reveal her stomach, crisscrossed with scars, some overlapping, some so raised, while she cast her eyes to the side, ashamed of her body, I lost control of my emotions and burst into tears. She fell right along with me and we sobbed together. I was shocked when she threw herself into my arms, her face pressed into my chest.

I held her tightly, crying into her hair while she soaked my shirt through with her tears. We held each other as I whispered over and over how sorry I was that it had happened to her and how I'd never let anything bad happen to her again.

I don't know how long we cried. Long after the tears stopped, we clung to each other. I never wanted to let her go. She was ashamed of what had happened, that much was obvious. To me, she was only that much more beautiful for being able to become the wonderful person she is in spite of all that had happened to her.

I feel Bella shift against me and I'm about to pull back from our embrace when she mutters, "Don't leave me Edward."

"I won't. Don't worry." I'm about to ask her if she needs anything, some water or something, when she shifts again and I can see her face. She's sound asleep. I smile a little. Bella sleep talks. Huh. And she's dreaming about me.

As much as this makes me happy and as much as I'd love to stay in her arms all night, I know I can't. She may be dreaming about me, but she might also freak out if she wakes up to me holding her. I gently slide away from her, laying her out on the couch.

"Lay down, Bella. I'm here. I'm not leaving you, I promise," I say softly. I quickly make my way to her bedroom and grab her blanket and pillows. Back in the living room, I manage to ease a pillow under her head and she hums in appreciation. I lay the other on the floor in front of the couch. Covering her up with half the blanket, I let the other half drape down to my makeshift bed. I kneel by her head and take this opportunity to gently brush the tips of my fingers over her cheek. A smile in her sleep and a mumbled "Edward" is all it takes to fill my heart to near bursting point.

"Goodnight beautiful Bella." I lean in close to her ear and whisper, "I love you."

I settle back on my pillow and cuddle into the blanket hanging down and let myself drift off, wrapped in my Bella's scent.

* * *

**If you don't hate me for taking so long to update, leave me a pretty review :) Pretty please?**


	11. Chapter 10

**A kinda lemon in the flashback. Be warned. ****Smeyer owns all.  
**

* * *

BPOV

_"I think everyone here is jealous," Edward leans over and whispers in my ear._

_I look at him questioningly. "Why on Earth would they be jealous of me?"_

_He smirks. "Not of you. Of me. Because I'm here with the most exquisite woman to ever exist." He lightly presses his lips to my shoulder before standing up straight again. _

_I look around the crowded room. Men and women are all staring at us, envious expressions painting their features. I can't help but smile to myself as Edward takes my hand and squeezes it lightly. He may think they're jealous of him, but really, they're all jealous of me. Not only do I look incredible in my backless, navy satin gown, but at my side is Edward. Perfect Edward, holding my hand, smiling at nothing but me. _

_"Dance with me, beautiful," he says, leading me to the center of the room. The crowd parts to let us in and a slow, dreamy waltz begins to play. Edward's arms encase me, leading me, holding me._

_"This is perfect. I never want this to end," I whisper, laying my head on his chest._

_"It never has to. I'll never leave you, Bella. I'm right here. Right here by your side." He gently clasps his hand with mine and twirls me out away from him. As I laugh lightly and spin back towards him, I slam hard into his chest, knocking the breath out of myself._

"Are you okay, Bella?" Edward asks, in a slightly panicked voice. But I don't want him panicked, I want him to keep going.

"Don't stop dancing," I murmur.

"Bella? Wake up, Bella. You're dreaming."

Dreaming? I'm dancing. Not dreaming. I pull myself closer to Edward but he stops dancing, and starts lightly shaking my shoulder.

"Bella, come on, wake up."

I groan. Christ. It was only a dream. Go figure. "I'm awake. Stop shaking me."

Wait. Shaking me? Who the hell? I open my eyes and my chest tightens in a panic. My eyes widen and I'm suddenly wide awake as I scramble away from where I was laying on top of Edward.

"What the hell are you doing?!" I manage to squeak-yell at him.

He holds his hands up. "Wait, Bella. Please don't be mad, let me explain."

I hold a hand to my chest and can feel my heart beating erratically in my chest. As I struggle to calm my ragged breaths, I remind myself that it's just Edward. Not James. Not anyone who would hurt me. Just Edward. He's a good friend. I like him. In fact, this is something that might happen if he finds out I like him. We could lay together. Cuddle. He'd never hurt me. Never force me into anything.

Finally, I manage to calm down a little. I crack my eyes open, not sure of when I squeezed them shut. I glance up at him and he looks scared and worried.

As I manage to nod at him to tell me what's going on, he explains, "Last night, you fell asleep when we were hugging and I was afraid that you'd be afraid if you woke up in my arms, but I didn't want you to think I ran away after you told me what you told me last night so I let you sleep on the couch and I slept on the floor beside you here so you'd see I wasn't going anywhere and a little bit ago, your hand fell down on my chest and then you grabbed my hand and you were holding it and then you started talking about someone being jealous of you and dancing and then you fell off the couch onto me but you kept talking about dancing and held onto me when I tried to wake you up and I swear I didn't mean to freak you out. Please forgive me, Bella, I should have never stayed here tonight."

"Oh God, just stop please," I pant out. He's panting for breath from forcing out his explanation so quickly and I'm finally managing to get my breathing under control. "Its okay, Edward. You just scared me, is all. I'm not mad." I glance over at the clock by the TV. Almost 4 AM. "I'm sorry for keeping you here. You have work in a few hours, don't you?"

He looks at the clock, too. "Yeah. It's okay though. I don't mind at all." Shooting a worried glance my way, he says, "Are you sure you're not mad? I know I probably should have woken you up and then left but after the crying and all, I just didn't have it in me to wake you up."

I smile and stand up, gathering the blanket from the floor and tossing it on the couch. "It's fine, really. I just . . . it's been a long, long time since I woke up next to someone and it just scared me is all. I'm fine though."

"Okay. Well, I guess I'll go get ready for work, then." He grabs the pillow from the floor and puts it with the other as he stands up. "Um, do you want to get some breakfast or something?" he asks, running his hand through his hair.

"No. Thank you, though. I think I'm just going to head to the gym for a bit." I've got to clear my head. I can't believe I was lying on top of him!

"Okay." He looks nervous. What's he got to be nervous about? I'm the freak who slept on him. "Um, do you want me to come over tonight for dinner? I can bring take out."

Is that what he's nervous about? Idiot. "Of course. Definitely. I, uh, have therapy later. So, yeah, that would be great." God, could this be any more awkward?

He nods, and offers me a small smile. "Great. Good. Okay," he says as he grabs his jacket from the back of the chair and his shoes from by the door. "I'll see you tonight then."

"Alright, sounds good." I follow him to the door and watch him step over and into his own apartment, then lock the door again.

Well, no use in dwelling over it. Time to get to the gym.

*****

MPOV

Yes! There she is. Alone. Perfect. It's Friday, perfect night for a date. God, she's gorgeous.

Straight to the elliptical. As always. Gotta keep that body in good shape. Should I go now, or wait until she's on the stair climber? I'll go now. She'll want time to make plans with me.

"Bella!" I call out as I jog over to her. "Hey, Bella!"

She turns to me and smiles. Glad to see you, too, baby. "Hi Mike. Did you need something?"

"I was thinking tonight maybe we could go out and get some dinner, maybe catch a movie or something."

"No thanks, Mike, I've got plans."

"With who?" I demand, stepping around in front of her as she turns away from me. She will not ignore me.

"With Edward," she says. "You remember, you met him the other day?"

"With that homo?" The queen was taking up all her free time!

She stops the machine and glares at me. "Excuse me?"

"He's a fag, right? Why don't you ditch him and spend some time with a real man?" Come on, baby. I know how to treat you right.

"Okay, first of all," she says, jumping down from the elliptical and glaring at me - what the hell is her deal? "Edward is _not_ gay. Secondly, I will not be 'ditching him' because I have already made plans with him." God, I hate air quotes. "And third, I don't _see_ a real man around here, so excuse me, I've got to be going."

As she stomps off towards the locker rooms, I'm stunned. That bitch! Who the fuck does she think she is? Insinuating that I'm not a man? I'm more of a man than that pansy-ass Edward will ever be! Stupid bitch is nothing but a fag-hag. She'll see one day, I'm right for her. She'll get tired of being around that queer and come running to me for a taste of what its like to be with a man. Bet she'll even beg. Can't wait for that day.

*****

BPOV

I slam my purse down on my desk and gather more attention that I'd like. "Sorry" I mouth to the few people who look my way, as I quickly duck down to hide behind my cubicle walls.

When will that little creep finally just take a hint? Why can't he see that I'm not interested in dating him? Why won't he leave me alone? Why did he insist that Edward was gay?

Whatever. Maybe I'll take Edward up on clearing things up with Mike. I mean, what could it hurt to have him think we're dating? At least he'd move on to someone else. Or maybe Emmett could do it. He's a hell of a lot scarier looking than Edward is anyway.

Ooh, I know. I'll mention it when we all three have dinner together. It'll get the attention off Edward and Emmett will see that they both want the same thing - for that creepy to leave me the hell alone. You're brilliant, Swan!

Now I just have to get through the day, and therapy. Maybe Emmett can come over tonight. They can be all macho together over Mike, then after he leaves, I can talk to Edward some more about whatever I tell Dr. Whitlock in therapy today. If he still wants to hear, that is.

"Morning all!"

Perfect. I stand up and smile at Emmett. His usual, jovial greeting being returned by the rest of the staff. Everyone loves him, that's for sure.

When I catch his eye, I wave him over.

"And a very lovely hello to you, Miss Bella. What can I do for you this fine morn?" he asks, leaning against my cubicle wall as I sit back down.

"Well, I talked to Edward last night and I was thinking that maybe you could come over tonight if you don't have plans? I really want you to get to know him some."

He nods slowly. "Of course, I'll have to move some things around, call the President, let him know I'll be canceling our dinner, but I think tonight would work for me." He raises his eyebrows, suddenly seeming excited. "What are you cooking for us?"

I groan and let my head drop back. "All you ever think about it food, Em! As a matter of fact, I'm not cooking tonight. We do take out on therapy nights."

"But Bells, you're practically a master chef. I was hoping for _your_ food." He pouts out his lower lip and gives me those damn big puppy dog eyes.

Not this time, big boy. "Tuck it back in, mister. I don't cook on therapy nights. That's that. If you behave tonight, I'll let you come over one night when I do cook. I'll even let you decide what I make. BUT, only if you behave. I mean it. I don't want you scaring Edward off."

He brightens up considerably. "I can be good. And I will be getting that meal. Anyway, what time should I come over?"

"Seven? Does that work for you?" That'll give us plenty of time to talk after he leaves.

"Seven it is. Alright, I'm going to get to work before Esme notices what time it is." He gives me a wink and a nod, walking away.

Now, to warn Edward so he doesn't freak out tonight. I pull out my phone and send him a text.

*****

EPOV

I'm tired as hell and irritable, and it obviously shows since everyone is giving me my space today. Only getting a couple hours of sleep last night might have sucked, but I wouldn't have traded it for anything. Bella is finally opening up to me. I still can't believe all that happened to her. Poor thing. God she must have been so scared. And her body. Those scars. What kind of monster could do that to a little girl?

As I feel my anger rising again, my phone chirps to alert me of a new text message. I quickly snatch it up and I can feel the anger rush out of me. Bella!

_Emmett joining us tonight 7. I'll get dinner. Please don't be mad? -B_

Oh God. Okay. I knew this was coming. I just thought she'd give me more time. But it'll be okay. I'll be okay. I'll make Emmett realize I care about Bella and only want good things for her. I can do it. I type out a reply and hit send.

_Sure on the food? I don't mind getting it. -E_

A few minutes later.

_Positive. He eats like a bear. See you tonight :) -B_

At least Bella seems sure this won't be a disaster. I can do this, for her. I have to.

*****

BPOV

Seven o'clock exactly. I wonder which one of them it is.

I quickly cross my apartment to the door and peek out the peep hole to see Emmett's hulking figure blocking everything else from view. I unlock my door quickly and pull it open.

"You're oddly punctual tonight, Em. Come on in."

"Is he here?" he asks, stepping in past me as I re-lock the door.

"Not yet. Should be any minute."

"Well, your boy toy better not be late. I don't want my free dinner getting cold. What are we having, anyway?" he asks, sniffing and wandering towards my never-used dining room. I figured it would be better than our normal coffee table dinner.

"Thai." A knock on the door keeps me from following him. "Don't touch anything yet!" I all after him as I turn and peek out again. There he is, running his hand through his hair nervously. I can't help but smile. He's such a good friend for agreeing to this. I make quick work of the locks and open it for him. "Hey. Come on in." I lean closer and whisper, "Emmett's already here," as a warning.

He nods and runs his hand through his hair again. "Is he in a good mood?" he asks quietly, taking off his jacket and draping it on the back of the chair. I lock the door again as he steps out of his shoes. I smile at that. Even nervous, he's still completely comfortable here.

"There's food. Of course he is. Come on," I say, leading him towards the dining room. Emmett is hunched over, looking in the various take out containers when we enter and straightens up at me clearing my throat. "Em, you remember Edward."

"Sure do. Nice to see you again, Ed," he says boisterously, stepping around to slap Edward on the shoulder. I see him wince a little, either from the nickname or the slap, I'm not sure.

"Nice to see you again, as well Emmett. Glad you could join us tonight."

"Free food and my best gal. I wouldn't miss it for the world," Em says.

Edward nods and the three of us stand there in an awkward silence. Well, this is going just wonderfully.

"Beer?" I ask them, eager to get everyone to loosen up. They both nod. "Great. Go ahead and sit. I'll get them." I scurry into the kitchen. This could very well be a complete disaster. What was I thinking?

As I'm walking back in carrying three beers, I hear Edward saying, "Well, we usually eat in the living room. I don't think I've ever really noticed she had a dinette set."

"That's because it's usually covered in papers," I say, placing a beer in front of each of them. They've sat on the sides of the table, leaving me to sit at the head of the table. They look at me expectantly. Yup, definitely going to be a disaster night. "So, family style. Dig in."

I scoop some pad thai on my plate and begin eating to avoid talking. Emmett wanted this, he can lead the conversation.

"So, what do you do, Ed?" he asks, loading his plate with a bit of everything.

"Uh, I work with computers. Writing programs and such."

"So you're a computer nerd, huh?"

"Emmett!" I glare at him, but Edward gives a little chuckle.

"It's okay, Bella. Yeah, I guess I am a computer nerd," he says to Emmett. "You work with Bella, right? Doing the same stuff?" I notice he's only barely picking at his food. He's still nervous. Emmett, however, is not nervous at all, stuffing his face.

"Yep."

Silence. We eat, drink our beers, and exchange some glances for several minutes. I'm starting to feel like screaming when Emmett starts talking again.

"You make a lot of money doing that?"

Tactful, Emmett. "I do okay," Edward replies.

"You got plans for the future, then? Or are you going to do that your whole life?"

Edward seems to think about it for a minute. I don't think he'd planned on needing to have his life goals in order for dinner tonight. "Um, well, I'd like to one day write my own programs and sell those, rather than writing someone else's programs."

"Hm," is the only response from Em.

More silence stretches on. This is painful. Awful. It can't possibly get any worse.

"You seeing anyone, Ed?"

Okay, I was wrong. If Emmett outs me for my crush, I will kill him.

"No. I haven't had a girlfriend for quite some time."

Emmett eyes him. "So what's wrong with you?"

I shoot a glare his way. "Emmett!"

Edward replies, "I've never been one to want a relationship for the sake of relationship. I want to be with someone I care for deeply, who deserves to be treated like a goddess. There aren't a lot of those girls around anymore."

I look over at him. Hadn't he said I needed someone to treat me like a goddess?

"So then how many girls have you randomly fucked out of a relationship? You always use a condom?"

I choke on my beer I was sipping and slam my bottle down on the table. "Emmett! Kitchen! Now!"

I quickly jump up and stomp into the kitchen, waiting with my arms crossed over my chest for Emmett to join me. He's definitely crossed the line with his questions.

He saunters in, like he hasn't a care in the world. "What's up, Bells?"

"Emmett McCarty! Where do you get off asking him questions like that?"

He rolls his eyes at me. Actually rolls his eyes. "They're legit questions. If he's not seeing someone, he's gotta be fucking someone. And if he's fucking random chicks, you gotta make sure he's clean. Who knows what he could have?"

"Will you lower your voice?!" I hiss at him. The last thing I need tonight is for Edward to hear that. "And it doesn't matter anyway. What he does with his penis is his business! Not yours!"

"Bells, I'm just trying to make sure he's a decent guy."

"Well do it without embarrassing him! Or me!"

I stomp back into the dining room and sit down, shaking my head.

Edward is blushing. Great. He heard.

"You heard everything we said, didn't you?" I ask him.

"Um, yeah. I did."

"Fuck," I mutter. "I'm sorry."

"Hey," he says softly, "don't worry about it, okay?" He shrugs when I look up at him, giving me his crooked smile. I can't help but return it. "To answer his question, by the way, none."

Emmett chooses that moment to come back with three more beers. "Sorry about that, Ed." He hands us both one and plops back down, goofy grin on his face.

"Hey, Em?" I say. Time to bring out my secret weapon - creepy Mike.

"'Sup?"

"There's this guy who won't seem to take a hint and quit asking me out. I was wondering if you would maybe straighten him out."

"Wait, is it that guy from the gym?" Edward asks.

"What guy? Someone's been hassling you?" Emmett asks, sitting up. Over-protective big brother Em was coming out now.

"Well, I mean, he's just really persistent and he stares at me. Edward saw, right?" I say, turning to him.

"Yes. Little creep was practically eye-fucking her. I can't believe he didn't back off after the other day."

"You met him? So you can point him out?"

"Yeah."

"Bells, me and Ed will take care of it. Don't worry." He and Edward both nod.

"Are you sure you guys don't mind?"

"Positive. Anything to keep him away from you, Bella. If anyone at all, ever, makes you uncomfortable, let one of us know." Edward smiles at me reassuringly. Perfect. Mike won't bother me anymore, and Edward and Emmett have found some common ground. Now, we just get through the rest of dinner, and I'll see if Edward wants to hear what I told Dr. Whitlock today.

*****

BPOV

"Okay, I'll see you on Monday Bells. Have a good weekend. And thanks for dinner."

Standing in the door, seeing Emmett out, I can't help but smile at him. After the initial awkwardness and the intrusive questions, dinner had been quite nice. They had gotten along well and I could tell Emmett liked Edward.

"Sure thing, Em. Take care." He gives me a wave and heads towards the elevator. I shut the door and lock it, turning around and sighing. Edward is relaxing on the couch. "Well, it wasn't _too_ bad, was it?"

"Could've been worse. Now that he's gone, I'd like to thank you for telling him to stay out of my penis's business."

"Oh God," I bury my face in my hands. "I still can't believe you heard me say that."

He chuckles and says, "Come on, relax. Nothing to be embarrassed by." I look up and he pats the couch beside him, then offers me his hand. "Sit with me."

I climb onto the couch and link my hand with his, resting them between us. "Thanks for doing this tonight. He'll back off some now about me hanging out with you."

"Good. Because I wasn't planning on going anywhere any time soon." He smiles again, then turns a little more serious. "How was therapy today?"

"It was . . . good. I told him some more about what happened." Does this mean he wants to know still?

"Are you still up for telling me about it? Or do you want to wait?"

He still wants to know. Thank God I haven't scared him off yet. "No, I want to tell you. I wasn't sure if you wanted to know anything else about it."

"Bella, I want to know everything." He leans down to look me in the eyes. "But," he says, "before we get started, if something like last night were to happen, what do you want me to do? Wake you up, let you sleep on the couch? I don't like the idea of leaving you alone after such an emotional exchange." He gives me another smile. "I just want to know what will make you most comfortable."

I nod, biting my lip a little. After freaking out this morning, I'd come to realize that it was nice to wake up with him here, even if it did scare me at first. And it was really nice knowing that he didn't want me to be alone. "Well, maybe we could do like last night? But we'll make it more comfortable for you. I know it couldn't have been that nice sleeping there."

"Don't worry about my comfort. I just want to make sure you're comfortable, okay?"

Could he be any sweeter? I smile. "Okay." I close my eyes as he rubs his thumb over my knuckles reassuringly. "Okay, so, um, I told you about him cutting me. Well, he kept that up, pretty much every day, the whole time I was there."

_Flashback_

_"G'morning, peach."_

_I continued to stare at the ceiling, refusing to acknowledge James entering my little room. I ached all over, my freshest cuts stinging constantly. I'd lost count of the days. It's been at least three months of cutting, sickening caresses, James' sadistic glee over spilling my blood._

_"Aw, no love for me today? That's fine." He steps up beside the bed. "We're going to do something different today."_

_I flick my eyes over to him. Different can't be good. Whatever. Maybe he'll finally kill me._

_"Today, we're going to start teaching you how to please me." I guess I looked confused, because he continues. "Sexually. That pretty little mouth of yours is going to be put to work. I won't fuck you yet. Don't worry."_

_Don't worry? Don't worry that he's only going to rape my mouth now, not take my virginity? Sure, I'm pleased as punch about this. I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes, but I simply shift my gaze back to the ceiling. Crying will do no good. It only turns him on._

_"Sit up." His voice is harsh again, all teasing gone. I quickly sit up in my little bed, instinctively pulling my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. "Some rules before we get started. You will not bite me. Are we clear on that? I will beat you within an inch of your life if you do, let you heal, and do it again. Biting will not be tolerated. Are we clear?" I close my eyes and tremble slightly. He'd do it. I know he would. He wouldn't let me die. It would be too easy for me. "Answer me!" He shouts, grabbing my chin and forcing my to look up at him._

_"Y-yes Sir," I whisper. I'd learned in my time here he liked to be addressed as Sir. It often softened him up a little._

_"Good girl," he says, releasing my chin. "You're to approach this eagerly. Once you get good at this, I will be more apt to let you feel pleasure as well. I told you when I brought you here, this doesn't have to be all pain. I wasn't lying. I expect you to be willing to suck my cock at any given point in the day. I will come to you when I want your mouth and you will eagerly please me, right?"_

_I swallow back the bile threatening to rise in my throat. "Yes Sir."_

_"When I cum, unless I state otherwise, you're to swallow it. I don't want you missing a drop. The first few times, I'll let it slide if you don't get it all. It can take some practice, but I won't be lenient on this for long." He moves to the foot of my bed. "Now come here and open my pants."_

_Already trembling, I scoot to the foot of the bed, letting my feet drop to the floor. I can see that he's already bulging in his pants and I drop my gaze as my hands fumble with his belt and zipper. He helps me lower his pants to midthigh, his erection swaying in front of me. It's the first time I've seen it. It looks so big, how am I supposed to do anything with it? I look up at him, my eyes pleading with him to not make me do this._

_"Go ahead and stroke me, learn how I feel. You're going to be spending a lot of time with my cock, you might as well get familiar with it." His tone is teasing, mocking. It makes me hate him that much more._

_Rather than face his anger, I reach out and tentatively touch him with one finger. It's . . . not what I expected. It bobs slightly and he chuckles, wiggling his hips at me, making it sway again._

_"It's not going to bite you. Wrap your hand around it and stroke me. Make me hard."_

_Make him hard? "But, you're already . . ."_

_"This isn't hard, peach. It's going to get harder, bigger. Now stroke me before I lose my patience with you."_

_I nod, biting my lip. It's going to get bigger. And he expects me to do anything with it? He's insane._

_I wrap my hand around it, feeling awkward. It feels strange. Almost silky, but stiff underneath that. I softly move my hand up and then down. It twitches in my hand. I do it again, then again. Horrified as it does indeed get harder, thickening, lengthening. _

_"Lick your hand. Get your palm wet and keep doing it." His voice is a little husky and it sends a chill through me. He's enjoying this. I'm disgusted, but I do as he says, wetting my palm and stroking him again. He moans. "Squeeze a little harder."_

_I tighten my grip a little, not wanting to hurt him. He'd no doubt beat me for it. I feel the tears pooling in my eyes and slipping silently down my cheeks as I please him. Why couldn't he have just killed me?_

_A little dot of moisture beads on the end and he smiles down at me. "Lick me. Taste me." I start to shake my head, my tears coming harder. He can't make me do this. It's so wrong! He grabs a handful of my hair and holds my head still. "Do it now!"_

_I bite back a sob and lean forward, sticking my tongue out and licking the tip, the bead of moisture gathering on my tongue. I swallow it, knowing a look of revulsion crosses over my face._

_"Learn to love it, peach. Time to start sucking." He pulls my hand off his penis and pulls my face forward with the hand still fisted in my hair. "Open up. Do a good job and it'll be over quicker. Suck me like a popsicle, lollipop, whatever. Take me as deep as you can. Lick me when you can."_

_I vow to myself to do as good a job as I can so it'll be over quicker. It's got to be over quickly. I open my mouth and he pushes me down on his erection. It slides past my lips and fills my mouth uncomfortably. He's too big. I'm going to choke to death on it. My eyes widen as I struggle to pull in a breath._

_"Calm down. Breathe through your nose." I still and inhale deeply through my nose. "Now, up and down. Suck me, peach. Make it good."_

_Tears still streaming down my face, I spend the next ten minutes in hell, following his orders, learning how to please him with my mouth, hating myself all the while. Why did I let myself get kidnapped? I should have screamed at the mall. I should have found way out by now. Everyone probably thought I was dead. I closed my mind off to what I was doing and could see my dad, devastated, blaming himself for what happened to me. _

_They probably had a funeral for me. Or not. Who knows. My friends probably whisper about me, wondering what happened, gossip spreading like wildfire. Jess, no doubt, had several theories. They'd been the last ones to see me, after all. I wonder how Ange was holding up. I know she probably blames herself, too. I hope she's not too sad. She was such a good friend to me. I'll miss her forever after I die here. _

_Finally, James moans turn to sharp grunts and he holds my head still, thrusting his erection in and out of my mouth. _

_"Get ready, peach. Swallow it all like a good girl," he says through clenched teeth. Before I can prepare myself, he orgasms, and I choke. He continues to thrust as he explodes in my mouth, ignoring my choking until he's done. When he pulls out of my mouth I sputter and gasp for air, hunching over and spitting on the floor to keep from vomiting._

_Sounding slightly out of breath, James' voice above me is laced with admonishment. "I expected better of you, peach. But we've got time. You'll get better." He pulls his pants up and steps towards the door. "Victoria will be by to clean that up and bring you lunch. We'll try again tomorrow."_

_With that, he lets himself out and I crawl back up in my bed, curling into a ball and sobbing against my knees. In my mind, I scream every curse I can think of at James, at Victoria, at God. After my sobs turn to quiet cries, I bury my face in my pillow and fall asleep again, my only escape from the hell that my life has become._

_End Flashback_

It was quiet for several minutes then. I knew I was crying. I knew I was holding Edward's hand too tightly, but I couldn't let go. I was ashamed, embarrassed. I'd pleased the man who kidnapped me, repeatedly. I had gotten good at it, learning what he liked and doing it. I was disgusting.

"Hug me," Edward says quietly beside me. I look up and can see in his profile that his eyes are wet also. He's staring at the coffee table with a desolate look. "Please."

I immediately turn and wrap my arms around his neck and his arms circle my middle, each of us pulling the other close together. I bury my face in his neck, relishing the comforting embrace, inhaling deeply, his smell even calming me. My tears slow and still, I hold him.

After some time, he says softly against me, "I promise that nothing will ever hurt you again, Bella. I'll do everything it takes to make sure you're safe and happy, okay? I promise you."

I sigh against him. "Stay here tonight, okay? Don't leave me."

He pulls back a little. "Are you sure?"

I nod and touch his face, softly tracing his jaw with my fingertips. He closes his eyes and then nods again. "Let me go get your blanket and everything."

He starts to pull back again and I tighten my hold on him. "No." He looks confused. "I want you to. . . Will you sleep in my bed? With me?"

"Bella, are you sure? I don't want you to do this because you think its what I want. Only if you want it, too, okay?" He looks so unsure. So sad for me.

Its that look of pity I never wanted to see again. I look away from him. "Don't do it because you pity me. Please don't pity me. I just wanted to be close to you tonight." I stand up, still looking away. "Its okay. You can go home."

Standing up in front of me, he grabs my hands and crouches to be in my line of vision. "Don't push me away now. I don't pity you. I'm just so fucking angry and upset over what happened. Don't mistake it, Bella. I want this. I want to be here with you. I want to sleep beside you. You have no idea how much I want it, how long I've wanted it."

Now it's my turn to be confused. "You've wanted to sleep with me?"

He sighs and tugs me back to the couch, sitting us both down. "It's my turn to tell you some secrets, Bella. I can't keep it from you anymore, and I just pray you don't hate me when I'm done."

*****

EPOV

Moment of truth. Everything is coming out now. Please don't hate me, Bella.

"When you moved in and I helped you that very first day open your lock, I thought you were the most gorgeous girl I'd ever seen. I had never wanted to kiss someone so bad in my life. When we managed to talk in the hallway or ride the elevator together, it made my day." She looks so confused. Don't stop now. Just get it all out.

"I was a wreck when I finally managed to ask you to have dinner with me. I thought you'd say no and I'd have to live with only seeing you across the hall from me. And this whole time, getting to know you, laughing with you, learning about you . . ." Deep breath, just say it. She deserves to know. "Bella, I . . . I'm in love with you."

I hold my breath and just stare at our intertwined hands as I hear her gasp.

"But . . . how can you? I mean, I just . . . wh-how? I . . ." She stumbles over her words for a minute.

"I'm sorry. I've loved you for so long and I was afraid to tell you because I thought you only wanted to be a friend and I know now probably isn't the best time to tell you this, but I have to tell you. It was wrong of me to keep it from you for so long." I take a deep breath and look her in the eyes. "Please don't hate me. I don't expect anything from you. I just wanted to tell you. I'll go home now if you want me to."

She just stares at me, seeming to search my face for something. I guess she finds what she needs because she releases one of my hands and pulls me up from the couch. Leading me towards her bedroom, she turns off lights along the way. When we're standing beside her bed, she releases my other hand and faces me.

"I don't know what I want, Edward. I just know that since James, I haven't wanted anyone to even be near me. But I feel so safe and right when I'm with you. When you hold me, it feels good, it doesn't make me freak out." She bites her lip hard, watching me, but I don't know what to say, so I nod. She continues. "I like you. More than I thought I'd ever like someone. I don't want to have a physical relationship with you, not yet anyway." My heart leaps a little. Maybe someday.

"I'd never ask that of you, Bella."

She smiles then. "I know. Stay with me tonight." She looks me up and down. "Do you need to go get something to sleep in?" she asks uncertainly.

I blush a little. "Uh, well, I usually just sleep in boxers. I think I might have something I can put on though. Some gym shorts or something."

Now she blushes. Beautiful. "Boxers are fine. I'm going to get changed." She opens a drawer in her dresser and grabs some clothes, then stops. Facing away from me, she asks quietly, "Do my scars gross you out?"

I'm at her side in an instant. "Absolutely not. Nothing about you could possibly gross me out. I think you're beautiful."

"Do you care if I wear a tank top, then? It's more comfortable to sleep in." Like I could say no.

I give her my signature crooked smile I know she loves. "It's your bedroom, love. Wear whatever you like." She stares at me for a minute, then smiles a little and nods, walking back out to change in the bathroom.

As soon as I hear the door shut, I do a little happy dance. Just a quick one. Bella knows I love her! She doesn't hate me! She likes me! She's letting me sleep beside her!

When Bella comes back a couple minutes later, I'm still standing there, stupidly grinning, looking around her room. She stands in her doorway, looking at me nervously.

"Are you ready for bed?" she asks.

"Absolutely!" I say, a little too enthusiastically, perhaps. But she giggles and steps into the room. I can see now why she's never worn a tank top around me. There are scars across her chest and over onto her shoulders. As she turns to shut the door behind her, I see more along her upper back. I look away before she can catch me staring. I hope that bastard fried for what he did to her. I wish I could ask. But she's telling me as she's comfortable with it. I won't press her.

I strip down quickly, trying very hard to ignore the fact that I'm about to be laying nearly naked next to the love of my life. She glances at me and blushes and giggles. I look down and realize I'm wearing some cheesy Valentine's boxers, covered in Cupids and heart and laugh with her.

She climbs into her bed and I climb in the other side. With one last smile my way, she reaches over and turns out her lamp, darkness surrounding us.

"Goodnight, Edward."

"Goodnight, Bella."

* * *

**Well then. Longest chapter yet. Let's see, couple things I wanted to mention:**

**As much as I love Dr. Whitlock, I don't think we're going to see much of him anymore. Mostly, she's going to just be recapping therapy with Edward.**

**As pervy and creepy as Mike sounds (and thinks), he's not going to go all stalker and attack Bella in some alley. Don't worry.**

**So yeah. Hope you enjoyed it. I love reviews like I love . . . puppies . . . and chocolate . . . and the new Diet Cherry Dr. Pepper. So leave me some :) Reviews, that is. Or some soda. No puppies, though. I have too many as is.  
**


	12. Chapter 11

**OKAY, SUPER BIG IMPORTANT CHAPTER!**

**That being said, it was really hard to write. I didn't know if it was enough, too much, should be more descriptive, less descriptive, etc. etc. etc.**

**I gotta warn you, if you're opposed to violence, this might not be something to read, if you're opposed to sexual violence against a minor, again, not something to read. I *think* you can skip the flashback and still be kinda okay, but you'll miss some important things. I'm guessing, though, if you're reading this story at all, you're not opposed enough by those things to avoid reading them now. **

**Um, what else, what else. Oh, this isn't the end. So don't worry. **

**Uh, Smeyer owns them, I just do weird things with them.**

**And, that's it I guess. Read on!  
**

* * *

BPOV

I don't know why I did it. I mean, I should be freaked out beyond belief right now, but I'm not. I just feel so right here with him. And he's so beautiful. Weird thing to think about a guy, but it's true. Even with his little line of drool trailing down his cheek now.

I've been lying here, staring at Edward for nearly an hour and a half. After waking up early, as usual, I turned over and just watched him. He looks so relaxed, so at peace. In my bed. With me.

My mind was still reeling from what he'd said last night. Could he really love me? Or was what he was feeling some twisted sense of pity? I was . . . tainted. I'd been used repeatedly. Could anyone love that? I wouldn't think so. He could have any girl he wanted. I can't imagine why he'd want me. But he said he did and I don't know. I think I believe him.

As I'm watching him, he mutters something I can't understand and smiles in his sleep. I smile, too. I reach out and touch his cheek, feeling the stubble scratch against my fingertips. He tilts his head into my hand and sighs.

He's such a good friend. I hope I can get to the point that I can be a good girlfriend to him.

In his sleep, he suddenly rolls towards me, his arm draping over my waist. I freeze. My heart is pounding in my chest, but it's not accompanied by the usual tightness of chest and straining for breath. This is incredible. He's holding me in bed and I'm not freaking out.

Okay, I'm freaking out a little, but more like a girl who really likes a guy would. Not like a mental case.

I scoot a little closer and he tightens his arm around me, pulling me to his chest. He smells so good, I notice. I burrow my head into his chest, inhaling deeply. Above me, I hear him do the same and he murmurs, "My Bella," before snuggling tighter against me.

God, he really does want me. Me. Abused, scarred, tainted me.

And he'll have me.

But as much as I'm enjoying this, I have to pee. I try to pull back from him, but Edward just tightens his arm around me, nuzzling closer to me. I pull back again but he groans and rolls over on top of me.

Now, he's not obese by any means, but I certainly am having trouble breathing with him laying on top of me.

I push on his shoulder. "Edward," I say softly. Nothing. I shake him a little. "Edward," I say again, a little louder this time. Still nothing.

How the hell am I going to wake him up?

I use my free arm, the one that he's not paying on, to reach up and pinch his nose shut. After a few seconds, he wiggles it, trying to get my fingers off, then he coughs and rolls over.

"What? What's going on?" he asks, seeming disoriented. I smile triumphantly and hop out of bed.

"I had to pee and you wouldn't wake up," I say, giggling softly as he looks around, confused. "Go back to sleep. I'll be back in a minute."

I walk out, leaving him there, completely confused and quickly run to the bathroom to take care of business. After washing my hands and putting my hair up in a ponytail, I look at myself in the mirror. Not counting scars, I guess I look pretty good. I'm in great shape. I'm not unattractive. Maybe I could be good enough for Edward. I mean, I'm no where near as attractive as he is, but we're compatible, I think.

I'm going to make myself good enough for him. I'm going to get over my fears and be with him.

Giving myself one last smile, I make my way back to my bedroom and stand in the doorway. Edward is stretched out on the bed, the blanket covering him from the waist down, giving me a delightful view of his chest. I never realized he was so . . . svelte. He's muscular, but lean.

I have the sudden urge to run my hands all over his chest.

He opens his eyes and spies me standing there checking him out. "Coming back to bed?" he asks, stretching his hands above his head. I watch all his muscles tense and release and blush a little. I can't remember the last time I wanted someone like I want him right now.

So instead, I climb back into bed. "Can we cuddle?" I ask, looking up at him. He smiles and opens his arms to me. I smile back and scoot over, laying my head on his shoulder and letting him envelope me in his arms. This is so good. It just feels so safe and perfect. Like this is where I was always supposed to be.

"Do you have anything you need to do today?" he asks after a few minutes of peaceful silence.

"I usually just stay in and relax on the weekends." And I don't want this moment to end.

"Maybe we can hang out today?" he says, letting it come out more as a question. He still seems so unsure that I want to spend time with him. I'm the one that's supposed to be unsure about everything.

"That sounds great. I don't want to move from here for awhile anyway," I murmur, snuggling closer to him. I can hear his heart beat as I shift and lay my ear on his chest. It's pattering quickly. "Are you okay?"

I glance up as he looks down and he looks confused. "I'm great, why?"

I shrug. "Your heart is beating pretty quickly."

He chuckles and the sound vibrates through me. "I guess I'm excited to be here with you. You really have no idea how long I've wanted this." He hugs me to him. "Bella, I know you're not really sure of what you want and that this right here, us lying together, is a huge, huge step for you. If I do anything at all to make you uncomfortable, you have to let me know, okay? Because you come first. It doesn't matter what I want. You need to be absolutely sure of anything we do before we do it."

I look up again and we lock eyes. How could I ever doubt that he really felt what he feels for me? Everything he does is to make sure that I'm happy, comfortable. Everything he does is about me.

"I'm glad you want me," I say quietly, breaking the intense look between us. I bring one hand up and rest it on his chest and his heart speeds a little more. I smile. Who would have thought I'd be able to provoke that kind of reaction from someone? "I want to get better for you. For me, first, but also for you. I guess I can tell you now without seeming weird, but I've started to develop a crush on you. That's why Emmett was so intent on meeting you and getting to know you somewhat. I told him I liked you and he was worried about me getting hurt. I didn't think I'd have the guts to ever tell you, but after you telling me last night that you love me, it seems silly to want to keep something like that to myself, you know?"

"You have a crush on me?" I can practically hear the grin in his voice, so I simply nod. "And here I thought I'd always be harboring these one-sided feelings towards you."

He gently runs his hand over my back, stopping when he reaches the top of my tank top. He's been careful not to touch any of my scars and I close my eyes against the thought that he really is grossed out by them. God knows I am most of the time. If it weren't for those, no one would ever know anything had happened to me. I might be able to put all this behind myself if I wasn't disfigured by these awful scars.

"Bella?" Edward says softly.

"Yeah?"

"Did I do something wrong?" He sounds so worried.

I look up at him and notice that I must be crying softly. He's blurry. I reach up and wipe away my tears and shake my head. "No, you're perfect. Don't worry. It's just me being me."

He sighs, his chest rising and falling dramatically, lifting and lowering my head with it. "I wish I knew what you were thinking. I wish I could make everything bad go away."

I guess he does deserve to know what I'm thinking. He's been there for me and he said last night he wasn't grossed out by me, but he should know that I'm pretty self-conscious. "I was just wondering if you're grossed out by my scars."

"Bella, baby, I told you last night that they don't gross me out. Nothing about you ever could. You could lose all your hair, gain two hundred pounds and sprout a third arm and I'd still think you were beautiful. It's not just what you look like. It's who you are. You _are_ beautiful and nothing on the outside could ever change that." He shifts, trying to look at my eyes, so I look up at him. "Please believe me when I say these things. You know I'd never lie to you."

"Are you sure? You've been rubbing my back but you won't touch them at all."

"I was worried you didn't want me to. You've kept them hidden from me for so long, and I didn't want to touch them if you didn't want me to." As he says this, he brings his hand up and runs it up my back again, this time over the top of my shirt and across my scars. He winces slightly, feeling them raised up, I guess. When he speaks again, he sounds so anguished. "I just can't believe someone could do something so cruel to you."

I shrug. As much as I hate them and James for giving them to me, I try not to let them bother me too much anymore. They're just who I am now. "I guess I'm learning to live with them. It's been 8 years. It still bothers me, but I can deal with it for the most part."

"Bella," Edward says, then hesitates. He looks like he has something he wants to say but is afraid. We can't have that.

"You can say anything Edward. We've got to be able to talk openly."

He looks a little uncomfortable then nods. "Well, I was going to ask, and you don't have to tell me yet. I mean, I know you're still talking to Dr. Whitlock and getting through your story a bit at a time. But I was just wondering, what happened to James? He didn't get away with this, did he?"

I sigh and then bite my lower lip. Last night was hard, telling him about what happened but it felt so very good to get it out in the open with him. I haven't talked to Dr. Whitlock about the rest of what happened, but I'm planning to on Tuesday. What harm could it do, telling Edward first?

"I want to tell you the rest of what happened, okay? It's . . . not pretty. And when I'm done, you might feel much, much differently about me." He'll never forgive me for what I have to tell him.

"Nothing will change how I feel. I love you, Bella. Plain and simple."

For now. But I simply nod. "Okay. Well, sometime probably around my fourteenth birthday . . ."

_Flashback_

"_Wake up, peach!" James' voice breaks into my unconsciousness as he wakes me from my sleep. I have no idea what time it is, but it seems much too early for him to be bothering me already. I sit up, rubbing my eyes and then attempting to straighten out my hair some. He watches me with an eager eye that makes my stomach churn. _

_I can't stand not knowing why he's in such a good mood, so I quietly ask, "Are you here for a blowjob?"_

_He tsks, shaking his head lightly, but his grin never falters. "Such a mouth on you! But no, I'm not here for a blowjob. Although I am tempted . . ." He steps up and runs his fingers along my jaw and I jerk my head away to the side. "No, no blowjob this morning. I've decided that I've waited long enough. Stand up!"_

_He pulls my arm and I almost fall to the floor but manage to catch myself and stand beside my bed. I hear that all-too-familiar click of his knife and he comes up behind me. I close my eyes and force my mind to leave me as he begins to trace the blade over my shoulders again. He snakes an arm around me and pulls the blade across my tops of my breasts, a thin line of blood appearing, before thickening and dripping down slightly._

_All the while, he's pressing against my back, his erection pressing into my lower back and ass. "Feel that, peach? You never fail to get me so hard. I've been waiting patiently for this day since you first started sucking my cock."_

_I'm slightly more aware now, listening to him. Waiting for what? He's been cutting me for months and months. I've probably been here for over a year now, getting cut nearly every day. I know I'll regret it, but I can't stop myself from asking, "Waiting to do what?"_

_His hot breath against my ear sends chills down my spine as he presses his lips against my earlobe. "Waiting to fuck you."_

_I try and jerk my body forward, away from him. "No!" I cry out as he grabs my arm tightly, his fingers biting into my flesh, no doubt leaving nasty bruises._

"_Now, now, peach, you aren't going to put up a fight are you? You know it only hurts more when you struggle against me."_

_I'm shaking my head back and forth, trying hard to keep the tears from falling. "Please don't do this James! Please! I'll do anything you want, anything else. Let me suck your cock. I'll do a good job, I promise!"_

_"Get on the bed again. Lay back, legs spread." He completely ignores my cries and pleading, pushing me back and stripping down until he's completely nude. I cry, still shaking my head._

_"Please don't do this. Please, I'm too young."_

_He pulls a couple things out of his jeans pocket, then comes over to the bed. He's already hard and as he strokes his length, he starts talking to me. "I get that you don't want this, but remember, it's not what you want. It's only about what I want. You belong to me, remember?" He kneels on the bed, pushing me back and rough spreading my legs. _

_He picks up the things he brought with him and I see its a condom and a small bottle. "See, I was considerate enough to bring protection and lube, since I don't want you to get pregnant and I figured you weren't going to get wet for me like a good girl." He chuckles as he opens the condom and rolls it onto himself. I try to close my legs and scoot back from him but a sharp slap to my thigh stops me. "Do I need to tie you down for this?" he asks, angrily._

_I consider this for a moment. But if I'm tied down, there's no telling what he'll do to me. God, why does this have to happen to me? I'm sobbing as I shake my head._

_"Good. Spread them."_

_I spread my legs reluctantly, and he moves forward. Opening the bottle of lube, he generously applies it to himself, then using his fingers begins to touch me, spreading it all around and pushing into me. I squirm back and start to close my legs against the feeling, but he grips my thigh with his other hand, squeezing it tight to remind me not to move._

_"Please don't do this James," I beg him again. _

_He smirks up at me. "Oh, I'm going to do this. So get ready for it." He raises to his knees then, still holding one thigh and positioning himself at my entrance with his other._

_The tears streaming down my face blur my vision as I try to appeal to something humane inside of him. "Please. I'm just a kid." He laughs and I know then that nothing I say will change whats going to happen. This monster is going to steal my virginity. He's going to make sure that I know my body is his toy._

_As I feel him start to push into me, my entire body tenses. I clench my hands into fists, my nails digging into my palms in a hopeless attempt to distract myself from what is happening. As he presses into me, my body stretching around him, I feel a burning sensation radiating around the intrusion._

_"Please stop, it hurts," I cry out._

_"It feels so damn good, though. If you think this hurts, just wait. I haven't popped your cherry yet." His hands on my thighs squeeze me tightly. He pauses when he reaches that last barrier of my virginity. He smirks down at me, waiting until I look up at him pleadingly, before thrusting his hips forward sharply, breaking through and causing pain to shoot through my crotch. I cry out loudly, cursing him through my sobs as he begins to pull out and push back in roughly. His laughter falls over me._

_Reaching up and pushing on his chest, I try to get him off me, to stop the pain he's causing me, mental as much as physical. He just grabs my wrists and pins them down on the bed, so that he's now hunched over me, thrusting into me repeatedly._

_As he continues his assault on my body, my mind races. I can't let this continue. I've got to find a way out. I'm going to find a way to escape. I can't let this be my life, being used for sex. Each of his grunts and moans cements in my mind that I'm going to find a way out, that he's going to pay for what he's done to me. Just you wait, James. When the time is right, you're going to get yours._

_*****_

_Why does he continue to feed me so well? I almost wish he'd let me starve to death._

_I pick at the food Victoria placed in my room this morning. Pushing another mouthful of fruit in and chewing slowly, I think about why I continue to eat everything. I've got to stay strong. It's been so long, but I know that I'll find my way out. How long has it been, anyway? Well over a year. Two? Three? I don't even know how old I am anymore. How sad is that? No doubt, everyone believes I'm dead. They've all moved on with their lives. The kids at school probably don't remember me hardly. _

_I'm just finishing my bowl of fruit when I hear the lock in the door click open. I don't move from the table, instead opting to just sit and stare at the enpty bowl and fork laying there. I know it's James. Here to abuse my body some more. At least the sex doesn't hurt as much anymore. Now that I just lay there and let him do whatever he wants, he's usually done quickly. The worst part of that, though, is when he sickly wants to 'cuddle' with me. He seems to get some disgusting satisfaction out of it, holding on to me and napping after fucking me._

_"Good morning, peach." He comes over and brushes a hand over my shoulder. I flinch and shy away slightly. He chuckles. "Enjoy your breakfast?"_

_I don't answer. He's just making small talk to annoy me. He's already undressing. I hear his clothes shifting and falling to the floor. _

_"Come on then, on your knees," he says._

_I sigh and push myself back from the table, falling to my knees in front of him. He steps forward and thrusts his hips at me. I immediately take him into my mouth. I never hesitate anymore. I just want it to be over with._

_I make quick work of his blowjob, utilizing everything he's taught me he enjoys. When he's completely hard, he pulls back. "On the bed." I stand up and go over to the bed, laying back and spreading my legs. He comes up and sits beside me. Since he's started fucking me, he brought in a bigger bed, I guess so he can enjoy himself more. He trails his hands over my body, exploring, pinching, pulling, laughing when I wince at the pain. The click of his knife is followed by the sharp pain of a fresh cut along my stomach, then the urge to vomit as he trails his fingers through the pooling blood._

_I stare up at the ceiling, trying to picture a time when I wasn't here, being tormented. I picture fishing with my dad, him laughing and helping me bait my hook because I didn't want to hurt the worm. I see myself at sleepovers with friends, staying up all night eating ice cream and watching scary movies. I briefly wonder if those movies would scare me now, now that I know what real monsters are._

_As his fingers probe me, applying the lubricant, I force my mind to keep wandering. I see myself wasting a summer by the pool with friends, splashing, trying to learn to open my eyes under water. I see late-evening camp fires, with roasted marshmallows and silly songs and stories. As James thrusts himself into me, I picture my dad shielding his eyes as he skirted around the living room, calling out to me and my friends that he was just passing through, not spying on us. My friends and I painting our toe nails ten different colors, talking about the boys at school we'd started to notice getting cute._

_I remember being so disappointed on getting a C on a paper I'd worked really hard on, crying over the grade as my dad reassured me that the teacher was being ridiculous. It seems like such a silly thing to cry over now. I see myself joking with my friends about how the teacher was a giant jerk who hated kids who were smarter than him. I'd been so immature and childish, and I missed that terribly. I'd never be able to go back to that._

_James' grunts above me change as he starts to get closer to finishing. I close my eyes and picture what my dad will look like when he finds out I'm still alive. When I show up at his front door. How it'll feel to be safely home, in my own bed. How good it'll be to see my friends again. How happy we'll all be._

_With a final hard thrust, James moans out and climaxes inside me. He pulls out and falls off me to the side. I hear him sigh contentedly._

_"You're damn good, peach, even if you don't want to be." I open my eyes as everything around me comes back into focus. "Come on, cuddle with me. Show me how much you love me."_

_I resist the urge to cry, curse, or wretch as I turn on my side, letting him pull my body to him. He curves his body around me, spooning me from behind, wrapping his arm around my waist._

_As I feel his body relax around me, my anger towards him intensifies. He's taken every last bit of purity from me, all my innocence, who knows how much time from my life. He's used me, abused me beyond belief. And he's so damn comfortable with his actions that he's fallen asleep behind me._

_My mind races with curses for James and God as I lay there, staring at the far wall as he snores lightly behind me. Of course, he's tired. It must take a lot out of him to be such a horrid monster._

_After some time, he rolls away from me, snoring slightly louder and I scoot quickly and carefully to the far side of the bed, putting as much distance between us as possible. He'll probably be asleep for another hour or two. Then he'll be ready to fuck me again._

_My rage boils inside at the thought. I've got to get out of here. I've got to find a way. I glare around the tiny room that has been my home for however long, hating the dull grey walls, the one door, the sparse furnishings. My gaze stops, though, on the table. My breakfast dishes are still there. A bowl and a fork, a half-full glass of water._

_A fork. A weapon._

_Could I possibly? If I attacked him, would I be able to get away? He'd surely kill me if I didn't. But would that really be worse than this? _

_I have to do this._

_I carefully, slowly, crawl out of the bed, making sure not to jostle it too much. I keep my eyes trained on James as I creep across the room. I gingerly pick up the fork from the table. Now what?_

_Is it even possible to kill someone with a fork? Wait, am I going to kill him? I guess I have to. It's either him or me at this point. Maybe if I can get him in the throat, it'll kill him. I can stab him and then get his knife and cut his wrists or something. Yes. That's what I'll do._

_God, I can't believe I'm going to kill someone. It's my only choice, though._

_I creep back towards the bed, carefully making my way around it, to James' side. He's laying half on his back, half on his side. Even in his sleep, he looks evil. His nude body is sprawled out and I'm tempted to take the fork to his cock, destroying it. Even if he lived, he'd never be able to use it again. But no. I want to get out of here. He has to die._

_I stand there, staring down at him for what seems like ages. I can do this. I HAVE to do this. It's my only choice. _

_I want to see my friends again. My dad. My dad - he would want me to do whatever I had to in order to get free. This is it. I raise the fork above me, aiming for his throat and after hesitating for only a second, bring it down as hard as I can._

_My throat clenches as I feel the prongs of the fork pierce his skin and it feels like it hits something crunchy. His eyes pop open and there's a second of absolute stillness. I snatch my hand away from the fork as the blood starts to ooze up around it. James breaks out of his shock and his hands fly up to the fork, pulling it out. The now open wound spurts blood at me, hitting me in the face and chest. I gag as I stumble back. _

_James is grasping his throat as I yank his pants off the floor, digging frantically at his pockets. I find the knife and pull it out, flicking the blade open as he lurches at me._

_He looks as though he's trying to yell, but only a gurgling sound comes out as more blood squirts from his throat towards me, some hitting me again. I swipe the knife at him as he lunges at me, slicing a gash into his hand. He jumps back and his eyes blaze with a fury I've never seen. There is no doubt in my mind that one of us will die today, but seeing him hurt, seeing him bleed, I become more determined that it will be him. _

_Before he can lunge at me again, I attack him, swinging the knife at his face. I manage to get a few deep cuts before he swings a fist and punches me in the side of my face. I fall back to the floor but immediately pull myself up. Some bright stars flash around the edge of my vision, but I attack again, catching him off guard. I guess he'd expected me to stay down. I stab at his throat some more, managing to pierce it twice more as he stumbles back towards the bed._

_I jump at him, knocking him back. He grabs a fistful of my hair, trying to yank me back as I sink the knife into his stomach and pull up towards his chest. Warm blood rushes out, covering my hand and making me lose my grip on the knife. I manage to yank myself free from him, losing a handful of hair in the process. _

_He falls back, his hands grasping at his stomach. His gurgling sounds turn to gagging as the blood gathers in his throat. I backup until I'm pressed against the wall, watching him struggle to push himself up. He rolls to his side, falling to the floor. On his hands and knees, he comes towards me. As he locks eyes with me from the floor, I see all is gone except desperation. He falls again, and I stand as still as possible, listening to the gurgling. _

_I don't know how long it took from the moment he collapsed until I finally moved. He'd stopped making sound some time ago, and I was pretty sure he was dead. His blood on me had long since dried to a rusty brown. _

_Now was my time to flee. I glance around and reluctantly grab his shirt from the floor. I have no clothes anymore, so this will have to do. It's splattered with blood, but I pull it over my head anyway. I cringe as I grab his boxers and pull those on as well. They're a little big, but they'll do._

_I ease my way towards his still body and see the knife on the floor near him. I edge around him and stare down. His chest doesn't move. He's got to be dead. I snatch the knife from the floor and quickly make my way to the door. Now, another challenge._

_I have no doubt that Victoria knows nothing about what happened. She would have come to help him if she did. But if she's out there, I'll have to kill her, too, to get away._

_I turn the door knob and as quietly as possible, open the door a crack. I hear nothing from outside. Maybe she's gone. I open the door a little more and glance around. It's some kind of warehouse looking place, and it's absolutely deserted. I sigh internally with relief._

_I creep out the door, keeping to the wall and look around. I see a door further down the wall and hope with everything I've got that its a door leading outside._

_I keep my eyes scanning all around me as I carefully make my way to the door, straining to listen to any signs that I'm not alone. My quiet footfalls and shaky breaths are the only noises. I finally make it to the door and press my ear to it. I don't hear anything, so I carefully turn the knob and open it a tiny bit. _

_Wind rushes in at me and I want to cry with relief. It's my way out! I open the door and step out, closing it behind me, taking in my surroundings. Mostly woods, with a long drive leading away from the door. It's daytime, maybe the early afternoon. I can't be sure. I keep my knife close to my side and step into the woods. I ignore the stabbing pain as I step over leaves, twigs, downed branches, and rocks, picking my way through the woods in case Victoria were to drive up._

_I walk for at least twenty minutes before I hear it, the sounds of traffic. I feel tears running down my face as I pick up my pace, rushing towards the sounds that mean other people, someone who can help me._

_Finally, I see the road, the cars rushing past and I cry out with joy, breaking through the woods. I close the knife and begin waving frantically at the passing cars, trying to get someone to stop. Several cars speed by, the drivers not even glancing my way. I'm still crying, and I know I've got blood all over me. No wonder they aren't stopping._

_But then, a car slows, and pulls to the side of the road just past me, I turn and run towards it as the driver steps out. A middle-aged woman in nurse's scrubs comes towards me, concern etched on her face._

_"Thank God you stopped," I cry out, as she quickly approaches me._

_"Oh dear! What happened? Are you okay? Are you still bleeding?" She looks me over quickly, assessing my injuries._

_"I was kidnapped," I cry, shaking with relief. "Please help me. I was kidnapped and he cut me and raped me and I need the police. I need my dad!"_

_She pulls me quickly to her car as I start sobbing in earnest. Helping me into the passenger seat, she buckles my belt and pulls back out on the road, telling me she's taking me to the hospital. She pulls out her cell phone and I hear her talking to police. She tells them where she found me, relaying information to them about the warehouse as I tell her, watching her horrified expression as I tell her to tell them I had to kill James. She nods and hangs up, telling me that they're on their way to the warehouse and some will be there at the hospital to talk to me. I nod and we finish the ride in silence._

_End Flashback_

I shake my head, remembering the joy I felt at finally being free.

"They questioned me nonstop for days and days it seemed. They found James' body and apparently they caught Victoria when she came that day to bring me dinner. It turns out, they managed to find evidence linking them to several other kidnappings over the years. I killed someone and they treated me like a hero for doing it, like I was so brave for managing to survive for so long with him and to fight my way out. No one said a negative word about me killing him."

I shudder, remembering thinking that I'd go to prison for killing him. The police told me that it was self-defense and there'd be no charges whatsoever for it. Everyone was just so happy that I was alive, they said they didn't care that I'd had to kill to get free.

"My dad cried when he came to the hospital to get me. It was the first time I remember ever seeing him cry. He hugged me and didn't let go for the longest time."

We'd stayed there, crying, hugging, for the longest time. He cried a lot the weeks after I returned home. He said he'd thought he'd lost his little girl forever. I didn't have the heart to tell him I wasn't the same little girl I had been. I'd asked that he be spared most of the details. I don't know how much they told him.

"Turns out I was fifteen when I got free. Almost sixteen, actually. He kept me there for about two and half years."

I had felt so much older than that. I remember feeling like I'd aged ten years while I was there. I remember finally being around people my age again and feeling like they'd never understand me, never see the awful ways of the world like I had. I felt like I didn't belong.

"Everyone looked at me with such pity. My friends were afraid to talk about a lot of things around me. The things they did talk about were silly, inane. I didn't know anything that was going on. They tried to explain at first, but then it just went on to pitied glances and smiles when I was confused or left out. My dad walked on eggshells around me. He was afraid to say or do anything."

It had drove me crazy. I just wanted things to be normal. To go back like things had been. I knew that I'd never have that again there.

"I pulled away from everyone at school, stopped talking to friends. Threw myself into my work. I graduated on time, even though I should have been way behind. When I got my diploma, I went home, packed a bag, and told my dad I was leaving. He begged me to stay, but I had to go. I couldn't take those looks anymore. I couldn't stand everyone acting like I was some fragile doll. So I left. And after I got here and signed the lease, I called my dad, told him to send my things, and then met you. You know the rest from there."

I sigh, hugging my knees to my chest. At some point, I'd moved away from Edward, curling into myself at the foot of the bed. I knew he didn't want a killer laying there with him. He'd been silent the entire time, and he was silent now. I didn't want to look at him. I was just waiting for him to get up and go.

So I'm completely startled when I feel his hands on my shoulders, turning me to him. He slowly, carefully wraps his arms around me, pulling me to him, into his lap, kissing the top of my head.

"I love you, Bella."

* * *

**Whew! What a chapter, huh? So I realize there might be some questions, so feel free to ask, and I'll answer them all as best I can. I'll get started on the next chapter ASAP. **

**Let me know what you thought about the chapter! I love your reviews :)  
**


	13. Author's Note

So, because God apparently hates me, my computer died. Yeah. With all my work on it. So everything that I had done for my stories is gone. I'm going to be working on getting it all put together again, but until I get a computer that I can be on for more than twenty minutes or so, I won't be able to get much done.

So, I guess I'm on a bit of a hiatus. I'm sorry. Please don't hate me 

I promise I'll work on them as soon as I get a new computer!

Before I go, I wanted to say thank you thank you thank you to everyone who reviewed/story alerted/favorited my work since my last updates! You guys are beyond awesome.

Oh, and sorry for the fake update.


	14. Experiencing epic brain fail

So I hate to do it, but I'm officially going on a writing hiatus. I really don't want to, but I'm experiencing an epic case of brain fail lately. I open my stories, go to write, and…nothing. Absolutely nothing comes out. I just stare for like half an hour, willing something to come to mind and nothing does.

What really sucks is that I've got literally about a dozen other stories either started, or the basic plot lines laid out. And I just can't get into the writing of them.

So, until I can get over whatever the hell is wrong with the part of my brain related to writing, I'm going to just…not. But I promise, I PROMISE, that I am not abandoning my stories. I will continue with them when I can offer you something that isn't totally shit.

Please don't hate me guys. Pretty, pretty please?


	15. Indie Nomination!

Sorry this isn't a real update, but one of my other stories, Small Town Wonders, has been nominated for The Indie Twific Awards! It's up in the Best Undiscovered Erotica Complete category. First round of voting is 7/8 – 7/12. So if you haven't read it, click over there and check it out. And then vote for me! I'll love you all forever! And super big thanks to whoever nominated me.

Go to theindietwificawards dot com to vote and to check out the full list of nominated stories.

THANKS!!

-seamonkey


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